Archive for November, 2009
Clean Up Your List On Cyber-Monday
November 30th, 2009 | 1 Comment
Tags: Shopping
How cute is this?
Don’t you wish someone had given you one when you were little? We can’t imagine a better gift for the little cook in your life than this adorable pink retro kitchen.
On sale at Target for $99 (with free shipping).
By the way, this reminds us of a non-negotiable rule: free shipping only on Cyber-sales.
Seeing Red
November 30th, 2009 | 1 Comment
Tags: Travel & Entertainment
We’re now blogging for Huffington Post, and last week wrote a piece about the Obama’s first state dinner: “Going Rogue, Going Rouge, Going Red”. We opined that Michelle Obama should wear a red dress to the dinner and were only mildly disappointed that she wore a gold gown–it was stunning and gorgeous. We are seeing red, however, over the White House gate crashers. We’re all for publicity (less than a month to book launch, after all) and do love our reality shows. What would we do without Chopped, Top Chef, and Project Runway? And, the Bitches has been optioned to Sharp Entertainment, but that lady in red and her husband crossed the line. We’ll be so bummed if anyone pays them one penny for their story. What do you think ?
Stuck on You
November 27th, 2009 | 2 Comments
Tags: Shopping
It’s Black Friday and while you need to get out to walk off the turkey, sweet potato, pumpkin pie orgy, the idea of getting anywhere near a shopping mall or neighborhood store is nauseating. Yet you need to make a dent in your holiday list.
Here’s an idea for a cheapish, splurg-y custom gift for the narcissist in your life. (Not you honey.) How about something more specific, more concrete, more tacky than a monogrammed scarf or hanky?
Go no further than personalized postage stamps. You submit a pic and—ta da!—real stamps featuring the image arrive at your door in about a week.
The perfect present for the hyper-attentive new mama (baby pic stamps), your dreamy lover (pic of you two together), or your self-obsessed teenage daughter (pic of herself).
Stamps? Who actually writes a letter or even mails a bill with email and online banking you’re thinking? Well, it got us thinking about stamps as a vestige of another time. A slower time. A more peaceful time. A time when a letter was an event, a rare treasure, and the stamp an emblem of its travel. A time before people lined up at 4AM to buy a toaster oven. Besides, have you ever written a letter to your sweetie and sent it off with just a gentle hint of your perfume sprayed on it? Pretty romantic, right? Totally lost in our electronic era.
Make it a point to write a letter a week. Think of using a stamp as the communication equivalent of the slow food movement. A cheap way to nurture relationships and to savor the moment.
10 Gifts Way Under $50!
November 25th, 2009 | 4 Comments
Tags: Decorating, Food & Spirits, Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
We’re happy to announce the first in a series of guest bloggers!
Domino magazine may have gone under, but never fear: we’ve tapped a former Domino staffer for her eternal wisdom. Today we’re introducing you to an extraordinary bitch if ever there was one. Novelist, Brooklynite, and all around whip-smart lady: Amy Shearn. We were blown away by her debut novel How Far is The Ocean from Here, love her design aesthetic and work on Domino, and so asked for her input on the age-old question: How can we maintain a budget during the holidays without looking like a total cheapskate? Without further ado:
Ten Budget Holiday Gifts
by Amy Shearn
There’s no better feeling than knowing you’ve given someone the perfect holiday gift, or at the very least, checked them off your holiday list. Some ground rules: buying stuff in bulk is a bad scene – no one believes you picked out that portable reading light just for them, and it makes you look like a bank rewards program. No gift cards. And only very careful regifting! If you’re still stuck, here are ten ideas:
*A magazine subscription. These can be really inexpensive – often $10-$20. They keep on giving all year round. They work even when you have only a semi-good idea of what a person likes, i.e., the mother-in-law who already owns every cookbook and cooking doodad known to man. How about a subscription to Saveur? Anyway, we all know circulation is down in the print world and magazines are in trouble. Why not support a suffering industry while giving your best friend something to read in the bathtub? (Alright, I’m biased. If Domino hadn’t folded, I wouldn’t be unemployed now!) The New Yorker is an amazing deal for around $40. Or Entertainment Weekly! No one admits to reading it, but everyone loves it.
*A photo book from blurb.com. If you have any sort of even mildly adorable child then believe me, grandparents flip for these things. I know, I know – photo gifts can be cheesy. But they’re customizable, so it seems like you put some thought into it, and perfect for the lazy – blurb’s high-quality books can be created on your laptop while you watch Mad Men in your pajamas.
*A bunch of tchotchkes from Chinatown (or Pearl River). For stocking stuffers or Hanukkah gifts, there’s no better resource than your local crap-vendors and their puzzling wares. Sure, these gifts are probably made of lead paint and fish parts. But who can resist boom boxes fashioned from cardboard, toys with inscrutable packaging, teas promising improved health? Top off with one those cheap yet great pashminas and you’re a budget gift empress.
*A weirdo camera. In this day and age of fancy digital photography, there’s something charming about taking actual film pictures. A funky camera that takes interestingly warped pictures, like a Holga or Diana (okay, these aren’t way under $50, but distortion doesn’t come cheap), is just the thing you’d never buy yourself but would love to play around with. (more…)
A Girl’s Guide to (Cross) Dressing on a Budget
November 24th, 2009 | 1 Comment
Tags: Shopping
Androgyny can be wicked sexy. Just last week, the New York Times ran an article about how fashion categories for men and women are becoming more slippery. Men are wearing ladies’ sweatshirts; women are donning “masculine” biker jackets and boxy blazers.  The article quoted Sharon Graubard of Stylesight: “In the streets I see young couples dressing almost alike, wearing slicked hair, peacoats, straight jeans or those longer T-shirts that are almost like a dress.” American Apparel, that hipster paradise, currently features hundreds and hundreds of unisex offerings, and their online shop shows both men and women modeling the same clothes.
Yep, we’re all for a little gender-bending, especially when there’s an absolute bargain to be found.
Just this week we were at one of our temples to fashion. We fell in love with the most magnificent unaffordable cashmere scarf. There we were, drooling longingly, feeling oh-so-bad for ourselves because we couldn’t manage the massive price tag on any of the luscious beauties that were spread so seductively across the display case. Poor us! Fast forward fifteen minutes–we find the same scarves in the men’s department. Yes, ladies, same scarves—but for a lot (we mean a lot) less.
Ditto for sweaters. For years we’ve been buying our slouchy button-down cashmere cardigans in the men’s department (hello, that’s why they call them boyfriend cardies.) We spend less than half what we would in the ladies’ department, and the look is perfectly relaxed and chic—just what we’re after. How about plaid? We’re lusting after a lumberjack jacket from men’s J. Crew. Full price? $98. Imagine how much the same piece would be in the woman’s area!
Anyway, our point is this: retailers know that what women will dish and what men will dish are two different stories. They’ve got us wrapped around their little cash registers. But we’re not going to take it anymore! (more…)
Perk Up in Freudian Slippers
November 23rd, 2009 | 1 Comment
Tags: Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
Seen those new American Express commercials with the faces?
Ordinary objects flash across the screen, and when you look closely you see each resembles an unhappy face. This series is followed by an array of “happy” objects. Okay, Francois Robert’s book Faces chronicled quotidian objects in this way nearly a decade ago. But AmEx has taken this idea one step further by adding a little Bach, and it’s total eye candy. Pure Genius.
Anyway, got us thinking about just what it is that can transform a sucko miserable day into something better. You know, the bus driver slammed the door in your face in the pouring rain; a defective lid caused coffee to drip all over your new Anne Fontaine white shirt; then, while you’re wet and coffee stained, your boss announces that the Excel spreadsheet you pulled the all-nighter working on had the wrong assumptions. What fixes such a shitty day? (Much as we like this commercial with the faces, the answer doesn’t seem to be a credit card. Budget, remember? )
For us it’s flowers. Yup. We’re simple bitches and we keep telling him that to satisfy us he just needs to find the right spot—uh, right shop, right flower shop, that is.
For our friend Margaret it’s a new pair of shoes. She just loves going to the store and having the salesman slide the shoes in and out—uh, on and off her feet.
Helen, our manicurist, she swears by hand jobs—uh, hand massages.
What are your perk-ups? Tell us.
And (drumroll…) best Freudian slip wins a pair of—yes—slippers! 
Bring it, Bitches.
Black Friday: Terror or Salvation?
November 21st, 2009 | 1 Comment
Tags: Shopping
BLACK FRIDAY IS COMING.
Perhaps it’s the fear inspired by the thought of going to the stores on the day after Thanksgiving and the messianic fervor of the people in them that the name Black Friday immediately conjures up a terrorist group celebrating a religious holiday. Maybe that’s just us. Forget the name. The question is: Should you go?
We’ve been wrestling with what advice to give you for a week now.
Yes, there are truly amazing bargains to be had at the opening bell at many stores. They have been plotting and planning how to lure you in since last January; they’ve squeezed their vendors for the best possible prices on commodity items; they’ve given up margins or are selling items as loss leaders (meaning they are selling the product for less than it cost them to buy). They know that you have limited dollars to spend and their goal is to get you into their store before you spend your hard earned bucks elsewhere, and they’re banking on you buying way more than the advertised ‘deals.’
If after scrutinizing circulars and on-line sales you see products that you absolutely could use or want to give as gifts get organized and start making lists. The first thing you need to pay close attention to is how many of the item they have in stock. Lots of places will advertise a blockbuster price but qualify this in fine print saying something like “a minimum of 3 available in each store”.  Well, think about it– unless you are first in line, chances are you not getting it (like you need more of that in your life).
It’s a no brainer if you pulled an all day/nighter waiting for the new Twilight film (although, it escapes us why anyone waited when you could waltz into the movie at anytime the next day), or you just love camping out, or it’s just the exact wide screen HDTV that you’ve been looking for and could never afford otherwise. Whatever your reason, make it a good one before you spend the night outdoors. And, double check that the item advertised is really the same make and model as the one you’ve been lusting after.
Back to the list thing. This is the key. Remember budget is just another word for edit and you need to go in armed with an edited list of items you want to buy at specific stores. If you have the stomach and relaxed goodwill (we come up short in this department), go store to store to store cherry picking some of the great bargains that the stores are offering. Stick to the list.
(To keep up to date on who’s selling what and when they are ‘breaking’ the deals go to Black Friday.info, a site that aggregates and posts news about Black Friday.)
Oral Enlightenment
November 20th, 2009 | Comments
Tags: Health & Fitness
Are you a neurotic bitch like us? Does your neurosis manifest itself in tooth-grinding and/or jaw-clenching during those hours of the night you’re supposed to be getting your beauty rest? Do you even know you’re doing it? Jaw–tooth–mashing, that is.
A dentist’s visit recently convinced us that we’d save BIG BUCKS (and clenched jaw pain) in the long term by shelling out now for a mouth guard.
Our tiny plastic thingy-ding cost us plenty (though insurance covered half), and had just as much sex appeal as a purchase of tires for our car. But the daily, insidious damage we were doing to our teeth would have led to crowns, jaw pain, and gum problems. Not to mention all the time stuck in the dentist chair having to hear about her trip to Club Med with a toolbox lodged in our mouth. So it’s a responsible splurge–well that’s an oxymoron, maybe a necessity (kinda’ like those tires)
The real plus? The mouthguard is weirdly reminiscent of our 8th-grade retainer (the one we kept leaving on our lunch tray and throwing in the trash). It gives us a lisp; we impulsively play with it, tongue it, flick it in and out of our mouth. In other words, it’s a perfect extra prop for your school girl role play, along with the knee-highs and plaid pleated skirt and braids and—
We’ll stop there.
If you grind at night, or frequently wake up with a sore jaw (and not because you were busy with other oral activities) make an appointment with Dr. Brightsmile pronto.
Stocking Up on Pest-y Presents
November 19th, 2009 | Comments
Tags: Decorating, Shopping
We got stood up for lunch today. Honestly, we were okay with not seeing the person who stood us up. But that dumped, you’re-not-important-enough-for-me-to remember-I-was-supposed-to-meet-you, invisible kind of feeling swamped us for a minute or two. Okay, maybe it was more like a half an hour of hyper-ventilating and post-traumatic stand-up flashbacks, but it was the middle of the day and we couldn’t run home to cry in bed. What did we do?
We did what any normal, red-blooded American bitch would do. We went shopping.
And we did it for you. The gift-giving holidays are just around the corner, and we know how hard it is to find appropriate and inexpensive presents. Starting today we’re going to be regularly supplying clever budget and splurgeworthy tips.
So instead of going postal in the face of our rejection, we went on the hunt for two of our favorite fetishes: deranged stocking stuffers and weird table adornments. We want to share our first find today—(actually it’s a gift for the person who stood us up).
Truth be told, we bought three insects: a spider, a beetle, and a hornet. We love them all equally and are sorry to be parting with any one of them. But for $8 bucks (Urban Outfitters) they’re a perfect present for our pest-y no-show friend.
Tell us about your worst no-show date and how you got even.
A Rock Star Find for a Flexible Bitch
November 18th, 2009 | Comments
Tags: Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, Travel & Entertainment
Remember our trip to wine country and all the free wines we got to taste in the Anderson Valley? Our original plan was to spend a few nights in Mendocino and completely pass on Napa and Sonoma. Not because we don’t love Napa and Sonoma, but we wanted to break out of the same route rut (and we were on that California Pinot hunt).
It was a gorgeous ride up from San Fran, during which we nurtured hardcore fantasies of hitting our hotel, sliding into the bath, gazing out on a setting Pacific sunset, and… we’ll leave the rest to your imagination. To our dismay, we arrived in Mendocino to dense, deep, dark fog. We decided that one night in Mendocino would be just terrific and two, well, a tad too gray. We needed to move.
You’ll find a whole section in our upcoming book on scoping out great hotel deals. We look for hotels that are ‘soft’ opening or very recently opened. Hotels with promise, snagged before the way-cooler-than-us set moves in and glitterati pricing makes them unaffordable. We are expert. Way, way back, we stayed at the Montalembert in Paris during opening week (the original Parisian Boutique Hotel with Christian Liagre designing furnishings—it still rocks). Recently in NYC (a ghastly expensive hotel destination for anyone, let alone a bitch on a budget) we stayed at the Thompson LES during soft opening. Paid a quarter of the current ask! Of course, one day the elevator didn’t work, another the hot water—although with a little sweet bitching they comped part of our stay (we’re working up a post on how to write ‘loving’ mail to get what you deserve).
One way to stay on top of what’s ‘new’ in town is to read the local mags. Hotel public relations machines are in overdrive during opening, and we’d read something in San Francisco Magazine about the Bardessono in Yountville.
Sitting in the dark confines of our Mendocino room we remembered the article. Back and forth, to stay or not to stay, became the question. Then we fell back on our motto—life is short, time is a non-renewable resource, and this trip was all about our being more flexible b’s. We called and found they had one room left at the happy price of $199 dollars. (It was just meant to be.)
Yountville. Ring a bell? The town was put on the foodie capital of the world map by Thomas Keller. French Laundry is his original Yountville place, and it’s harder to score a reservation at this restaurant than to be elected President—well, almost. We’ll leave a detailed discussion of French Laundry for another day, but we do think his new-ish fixed price, fixed menu restaurant Ad Hoc rocks; and we salivate over his Bouchon Bakery’s Cheese Danish’y thing. (OMG! –although if you’re a NYC bitch—or just passing through—you can go to the Time Warner Center and get one at his bakery there.)
We digress. We’ve been to Yountville many times, but it never seemed the place to stay. Just the place to eat. That’s all 100% completely changed because of the Bardessono.
A gorgeous hotel. So cool. So fun. So modern and big and spacious and they were so nice we wished we could have stayed a week. A magnificent rooftop pool, bicycles to borrow, all for free. A lovely spa. They told us you could even come just for lunch and hang out at the pool all day. Anyways, this hipster place is within walking distance of so many great places to eat and a short drive by car, or flat ride by bike (hello, it’s Napa Valley), to some of the greatest wineries in America.
To be perfectly honest, our scampering was a little hasty. The day we left Mendocino turned out clear and magnificent. The town was to-die-for cute and charming and hippie-ish. We took a long walk along the ocean and watched people diving for sea urchins (fresh, one of our faves) and wandered into one of the best independent bookstores we’ve ever been into, The Main Street Book Shop.
Still, we don’t feel too bad. The way we see it: the drive to Mendocino on that magnificent coastline was stunning. We drank great California Pinots in the Anderson Valley. We found what could become one of our go-to hotels in Napa. We snarfed down those warm cheese pastries first thing in the morning on our way to the airport. And all because we were so flexible!
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