We’re getting close to the book’s release on December 29! Here’s a snippet from Chapter 3:

No Money is No Excuse: Be A Healthy (and Thrifty) Bitch

Just because your purse strings are tight, your anxiety level elevated, and the future of the free world uncertain, there are no excuses for sitting on the couch swilling martinis chased by boxes of Double Stuf Oreos and chocolate orgasm ice cream…Follow our advice  clean up your food act get your ass in gear and spend a little more time on the best free pleasure life has to offer. We guarantee hard times will never have looked–or felt–so good!

Since any motion is better than no motion, in order to help you to get moving we have a simple little test to determine what kind of exercising bitch you are. Here’s a little clip:

*Are you a Lazy Bitch?

She just can’t get it together to do anything. Every day in every way she means to get going. Tomorrow she’s going to start jogging, riding her bicycle, walking two blocks to the store instead of driving.  The next day arrives but it’s too cold out, she has a headache (the same one she had the night before when her husband  wanted to have sex), the laces are broken on her sneakers.

*Are you a Bitchy Bitch?

She hates exercise of any sort. She bitches and moans more than she works out. With unflagging hope she buys gear for each of her new, fabulous sports and activities. She begins each with the fervent belief that being properly outfitted will catapult her into the Boston Marathon, onto the LPGA tour, or the cover of Sports Illustrated. (You don’t have the heart to tell her that SI has nothing to do with women or sports—it’s all about men’s horny dreams).

*Or a Peppy Bitch?

She is just so happy to go and work out she just can’t get enough! So cheerful. Whether in her little tennis whites (racket in hand), Speedo swimsuit (goggles in hand), or pressed Bermuda shorts (nine iron in hand), she keeps to a routine. Coming back from her morning six miles… she gushes about her endorphin high, practically climaxing when she describes her squat thrusts. (more…)

We have a question for you. Don’t think. Just answer.

Name the most gorgeous, most sexy woman of all time?

We’ll bet your answer wasn’t Kate Moss or Twiggy. More likely you imagined Marilyn Monroe (sans reefer). Sophia Loren, hair tied back in a scarf, big black glasses. Or, maybe even Mad Men star Christina Hendricks, the glorious Joan, buxom and wide hipped in her pinch waist dress. Ever thought about what dress size these gorgeous women fit into? We’re pretty sure we’re not talking size 0, size 2, even size 4.

Last September model Lizzie Miller made a splash when she appeared in Glamour sporting–gasp!–some belly fat. The celebration that followed (or the extra media attention?) seems to have compelled Glamour to do a feature on more normal-bodied women.

So in November, Glamour featured a bevy of curvy, gorgeous women–again, in an article about body image; not simply as an unacknowledged part of a fashion or beauty spread. And the current issue includes a handful of gushing reader letters, complimenting the forward-thinkingness of the magazine. We’re disappointed that these women didn’t just appear, wordlessly, as part of a fashion photo shoot.

We’ve been wondering why is it that the fashion and magazine industry seems obsessed with making women’s bodies appear skinny to the point of absurdity. Case in point? The Ralph Lauren adfeaturing a model whose head is wider than her airbrushed waist. Kind of creepy, no?

Unrealistic presentation of body image is not limited to the States. French Parliamentarian Valerie Boyer wants to make tricky graphic altering illegal: she proposes legislation mandating that photoshopped pics contain a disclosure: “Photograph retouched to modify the physical appearance of a person.” Violators could be fined thousands and thousands of dollars!

Look at Michelle Obama. She’s gorgeous. Not since Jackie Kennedy have we had such a beacon of fashion to aspire to. An entire section of the Huffington Post is devoted to her style. French Elle just voted her “best-dressed: politique chic” (beating out the French First Lady). Yet fashion designers are not making sample sizes for shoots in Mrs. Obama’s size, are they?

Girls growing up today have enough pressure without these unrealistic and unhealthy images of scarecrows. Us gals at Bitches on a Budget have had enough.

We say bring back the belly. Quick.

(We wrote this for the Huffington Post and it appeared there December 9)