Archive for July, 2010
Speak Up-Get Service(d)
July 31st, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
What is it about being a woman and getting bad service?
We’ve all been there. On the airplane: as you’re struggling to get the bag in the overhead bin with one kid hanging off your neck while the other is clawing at your hip, and the intentionally oblivious flight attendant is leaning over some business dude in the row ahead of you ostensibly helping him find his seat belt. At the auto dealer: where the guy with more product in his hair than you is asking when your husband or dad is going to join you. In the restaurant: being led to your seat at the worst table in the house in the corner by the kitchen next to the swinging doors.
Whenever this happens to us, we speak up. Whether it’s by walking out of the car dealer, speaking to the manager in a restaurant or writing a letter to the airline (careful, speaking up on an airplane can get you arrested:) we politely, but firmly make our experiences known. Trust us, most business owners do not want pissed off customers and often their response is generous. (See ch. 7 in Bitches on a Budget .)
So ladies, don’t take it anymore. Your money is as good as the next guy’s. It’s time to do what you do best.
Bitch, bitch.
Pamper the Bitch. No, Not You! Your Pet
July 29th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Beauty & Grooming, Dogs, pets, simple pleasures, Travel & Entertainment
 In the final chapter of our book we come to your very favorite bitch—no, not you! Your dog. Pamper the Bitch reminds you that sweet yapping Maxie still deserves some special treatment (even when your bankbook is whimpering). But you’ve gotta be smart. No overpriced doggie clothes or mani-pedis. We give you tips on affordable feeding, medical treatment, travel, entertainment. And if there’s no pet in your life, we outline the most economical, ethical ways to acquire one.
Don’t worry– we’ve got stuff for feline-lovers, too. We’re bitches after all, and know you like to pamper little pussy, too.
Here’s a sample:
Have fun like a dog. (Can you keep your mind clean for just one minute?) In these tight times dogs are the perfect companions. They remind us what’s important. They teach us to appreciate FREE things: friendship, play, the natural world. They require absolutely nothing but company, good nutrition, and exercise. So enjoy having Maxie. Get humble. Let her teach you a new way of being– this is a valuable lesson any time at all, but especially in a rough economy. Find pleasures in the little things. You know, snuggling, stroking, black leather collars…
Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Ask for it at your local bookshop or Amazon.
Dirty Little Secrets (Redux)
July 27th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Baby, bargains, budget, mamas, parenting, Shopping
If you haven’t noticed, we like to titillate. Call it arrested development, call it dirty minds. For example, when the waiter asks if we’d “like anything else,” the voice in our head goes to all kinds of places–and we’re not talking dessert. We’re not ashamed. Getting dirty (even if it’s just in our imagination) is both fun and cheap, and a bitch on a budget can’t turn her back on cheap thrills (even if they’re all fantasies). So why are we admitting this now? Because we’re about to talk about the least dirty thing we know. That’s right, we’re going to talk about babies.
Since we’re being honest—this is bitch-to-bitch—babies are sexy’s anti-matter. You think we’re kidding? Consider the evidence at hand:
Babies turns lingerie into a support garment.
Staying up all night is sexy, until there’s a baby involved.
Focusing a camera on a bed is sexy, unless it’s attached to a baby monitor.
So why are we even talking about babies? Because, while it’s one thing to have your bundle of cute joy liquidate your sexy surplus, it’s quite another to have extraneous baby merchandise bankrupt your savings account.
Without further ado, here are three things that every mother is told to buy, but which we think you can do without:
1. The wipes warmer. Is your grandmother a tough old broad? Well, nobody bothered to warm her wipes. Unless you live in an igloo, we think this is $20 that would be better spent on takeout.
2. The Diaper Genie. Nothing motivates a consumer like fear. Do you want to smell poop? You do not. A Poop-Be-Gone system (all variations on the same theme, a technological marvel of a trash can and refillable liners) seems an easy solution. Here’s what you fail to anticipate: at some point a dirty diaper will EXPLODE while being fed into the patent-pending mechanism (this usually happens at night). The refills for What Poop?, What Poop II?, and Super-Whatcha-Talking-About Poop are non-compatible—and the convenience store never has the one you need. Consider this: wet diapers outnumber dirty by a factor of five or six to one. Our solution? If you’re using disposable diapers, get a small, lidded trashcan for the nursery. Pop the wet diapers in there. Save plastic grocery bags for those times when your little bundle of joy makes a bundle of misery—bag it and get that thing outside. You’ll save $300 a year on liners alone.
3. Barcalounger Highchairs. Everyone knows that babies drool, spit-up, spill, and throw food. So why the trend towards upholstered high chairs with all those nooks and crannies? We don’t get it. Let’s look at another population that has trouble eating without making a mess: bachelors. What do they prefer? That’s right: black leather sofas. If you find a black leather highchair, snap it up. Otherwise, we’d suggest molded plastic. IKEA makes one for $20. With all the time you’ll save in clean-up, think about all the fun you’ll have doing more pleasurable things!
Lovin’ Our Garden Weed: A Recipe for Poppers
July 26th, 2010 | 1 Comment
Tags: Food & Spirits, recipes, weed, zucchini recipe
We Love Our Garden Weed
It’s that time of the summer when the weed in our garden runs wild! We’re not complaining, we love our weed, but as good as it is early on the more you use the trickier it gets. Face it, overdosing is not a delicious thought. As we’ve worked our way through prep methods—and trust us, we’ve done it all—we were delighted when a younger friend (isn’t it always the way, they’re the ones up on all the latest in cooking paraphernalia) introduced us to their favorite ingestion method.
Healthy, simple and sure to delight.
Allie’s Best Zucchini Poppers
Pre-heat oven to 450
2-3 firm fresh from the garden zucchini
egg white wash
1 cup corn meal
2-3 tablespoons finely grated Parmesan Reggiano
Kosher salt and pepper to taste
Wash and dry the zucchini. Cut into ¼” rounds. Thoroughly mix the cheese and corn meal, generously salt and pepper. Dip the zucchini first in the egg wash and then dredge in the corn meal and Parmesan mixture. Shake excess off.
Place on greased baking sheets (we used Pam on ours).
Check on them after 15 minutes or so, they should be lightly brown on the baking sheet side. Turn and cook another 15-20 minutes. The poppers should be crisp on the outside and soft on the inside but cooking times vary by oven and water content in the zucchini.
Great as an appetizer with aioli, ketchup, guacamole, sriracha or simply served with salt.
(Oh! The weed? Zucchini, of course.)
Home Remedies to Get You out of Your Depression
July 20th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, Decorating, home design, linens, mirrors, Shopping
We all need a little pick-me-up from time to time, whether it’s a new lipstick or a home refresher. Here’s a teaser from chapter 4 of Bitches on a Budget, all about updating your home on a shoestring. We’ll give you the lowdown on what to toss, how to re-purpose, where to buy, and when to splurge.
Home Remedies to Get You Out of Recession Depression
On linens:
Bitch, you spend more time in the bed and bath than anywhere else. Outside of your toothbrush, which objects gets more up close and personal? Do you need reminding of a few basic facts? OK, here goes. Things suck. Life is short, wars rage, money’s tight, jobs are sparse. These days, the only legitimate way to pamper yourself is with everyday objects—the things you use constantly. The things that know your skin and curves better than any man ever could…
On the Mid-Century Modern Craze:
Mid-century modern became hot by skipping a generation. No one wanted the old furniture from those 50’s ranch houses, so it was cheap, cheap, cheap. All the very cool hipster, creative types who couldn’t afford pricy antiques bought it because they could afford it…. Be a contrarian and think of the rush to modern as your opportunity to get back in touch (a little) with the frippery and finery of another era. A bitch is nothing if not in touch with her paradoxes…
On Mirrors:
Think Grandma’s place in Miami: the walls of mirror, the gold furnishings, the plastic cover on the sofa…. We can go without the plastic, but those mirrors? Love ‘em. They’re a perfect, simple, and cheap way to enhance any room. We’re not talking Poconos ceiling mirrors (although we like your thinking) but well-placed, space-enhancing, light-reflecting mirrors…
Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Available at all major bookstores and Amazon.
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits
July 19th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, buying cars, cars, savings, Shopping, used cars, women and cars
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits is the title of the chapter in our book about cars, bikes, scooters, blades, trains, shopping carts…basically, all rolling transport.
Since a new car is ghastly expensive when you factor in the cost of the vehicle, sales taxes, excise taxes, and insurance, we advise holding your hand when it comes to car purchases:
“Cars are not a fashion accessory. Get a grip and resist the auto industry’s new-model cycle. Beware that new-car smell luring you into “premature purchase”. Most cars should last at least eight to ten years before very costly repairs are necessary.”
That said, eventually the old beast runs out of gas and you need to invest in a new one. We offer guidance and smart resources for a gal looking for a car. We think buying used is one of the smartest ways to save since depreciation on a new vehicle is shockingly high, shockingly fast — 45% in the first 3 years of ownership. Just make sure you do your homework: buy from a dependable source and have it checked out by a hot mechanic with good hands. (Ok, you just need a good mechanic.)
How you finance your car purchase, whether it’s new or used, is important. We advocate for careful saving in advance to avoid leasing and loans, but we know that’s not always possible. So, before you go shopping for your car, head over to your own bank or credit union so you can go in armed to purchase with your own financing in place. While there are loads of upright dealer citizens, we know of too many stories where unscrupulous dealers play games with contracts and make excess profit off financing plans.
For more on all things that roll–including the ultimate in ‘to die for’ shopping trolleys–check out Bitches on a Budget!
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Bitches on a Budget Tongue Teasing Devil Brownies
July 16th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: brownie recipe, brownies, Food & Spirits, simple pleasures, Travel & Entertainment
Back by popular demand the best brownies you’ll ever make. Period.
Food fashions fade in and out like pouffy skirts. It’s kind of tricky to know when to bite. The latest seems to be a hot and sweet tongue teasing, and we’re here to reassure you that this trend is for real. Sophisticated hedonists have always known that stoking up contrasts arouses your sensory pleasure…
So you don’t feel left out of the latest foodie flavors, we’ll share our own recipe for brownies that’ll have them on their knees, weeping and begging you for more:
The Bitches’ Devil Brownies
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees
5ozs unsweetened chocolate
1 ½ sticks unsalted butter
3 eggs
1 ¾ cups sugar
1 cup flour
1 tsp vanilla
½-1 tsp crushed hot pepper flakes (up to you how hot you like it)
Pinch of kosher salt
¾ cup walnuts (optional)
8” square buttered baking dish
Melt chocolate and butter in microwave for approximately two minutes. Stir to completely dissolve chocolate. Add sugar and mix until you can’t see granules. Beat eggs and vanilla with a fork, add to chocolate and sugar mixture, and stir until glossy and smooth. Mix in hot pepper flakes, salt, and walnuts. Stir in flour until everything is mixed evenly together. Pour into buttered baking dish. Bake approximately 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out smooth. (Our advice is to slightly under-bake these, they taste even better).
So easy and you’ll look like a hip baking genius–you owe us big time.
P.S. This is our basic brownie recipe all tarted up. Skip the spice for the best brownies ever.
Stewed Blueberries
July 14th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargains, blueberries, budget, Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, Shopping, simple pleasures
Blueberries are the best.
At this time of the summer blueberries are readily available and attractively priced. So attractively priced, in fact, that we often end buying more than we can bake, conserve, and munch in a timely manner. Our solution? We throw them in a pot with whatever leftover fruit we have around and make a quick simple stew. It’s great by itself or spooned over ice cream, yogurt, pancakes, waffles. And, for one of our favorite simple pleasures, try a huge serving of warm blueberry stew over slices of fresh cinnamon bubka or bread.
Blueberry Stew
1 pint blueberries
2-3 nectarines and/or peaches
3-4 tblsp brown sugar (or to taste)
a squeeze of lemon juice
Wash and put the berries in a pot. Slice up the peaches/nectarines into chunks (no need to peel) and add to pot with sugar. Turn heat to medium/low and cook until the berries and fruit soften.
Chill Out at the Museum
July 13th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: art, bargains, cool, museums, Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
 Butterflies and Plants: Partners in Evolution 2008 Smithsonian Institution It’s been unrelentingly hot where we live. Too hot to walk. Too hot to bike. Too hot to…ok, we won’t go there. So, we’re on the hunt for other stimulating, but cool, activities.
Inside a mall is refrigerated and deadening. You’ve already seen the one great summer blockbuster worth watching. Another trip to the supermarket? Uh. We don’t think so. When was the last time you went to a museum? Trust us, nothing is cooler than the thrill of a curated collection.
From Bitches on a Budget:
Admit It
You mean to go to the museum. You read about the blockbuster Tintoretto or Chuck Close show that’s coming soon and make a mental note to get your a** over there. But what happens? It’s raining and surely the museum will be crowded, it’ll be hard to park, you don’t want to get wet. Or it’s gorgeous outside; why go to the musuem when you can ride your bike or play Frisbee? But then the day slides by with no Frisbee, and you become increasingly bored and desperate. You end up arranging to meet a friend for lunch and a quick shop.
But the restaurant’s crowded and mediocre. You spend good money for that extra pound you didn’t need and see through blouse you really didn’t like. Your ‘friend’ fills you in on your ex-boyfriend , how he’s found eternal happiness in the arms of some bimbo. You feel overweight, broke, rejected. And you could have gone to the museum. What were you thinking?
Chill out at your local museum.
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