Call it a mission statement, a manifesto, a set of rules, reminders, a way to keep ourselves sane on this crazy journey called motherhood.
Some tenets we’re trying to live by:
*We will call what we’re doing work. Even if the world doesn’t acknowledge it, we will: motherhood is the hardest work in the world. It’s physically demanding, psychologically strenuous, spiritually complex, and unpaying. We refuse to accept the whole “I-don’t-work-I-stay-home-with-the-kid” thing. We’ve held lots of jobs, and not one has been more intense. We know how challenging it is to work outside the home and raise kids, we will never be too proud or silent to ask for help.
*We will complain when we want to. We are allowed to bitch. We’ll never forget the healing power of a good old-fashioned rant.
*We will boast when we want to. Yes, our child is the cutest, smartest, most hilarious, most cuddly on the block.
*We will cry when we need to.
*We will laugh maniacally when we need to.
*We will not forget to play. With our kids and by ourselves.
*We will not forget the power of an occasional martini.
*We will not spend money haphazardly, or on useless status objects, or on stuff we think we “should” have.
*We will not be snobs about thrift stores.
*We will ask for help when we need it.
*While we will boast our kids are the smartest, cutest, most delightful creatures ever planted on this earth we will not turn them into our status symbols of success.
*We will yell when we need to and feel guilty later.
*We will do our best to educate ourselves, to read valuable books, to attend parenting classes and lectures, to listen to those “experts” we admire—but we will also trust our instincts.
*We will avoid the rancorous, black-and-white thinking that pervades the media. We know people raise children in different ways.
*We will forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.
*We will not forget the power of an occasional martini (when they are sleeping and we’re not driving).
*We will share our triumphs, fears, and hopes with other parents. That’s right: parents. We will not forget the important role that fathers play, or deny fathers their own wisdom, their own experience (even if we complain about or bemoan their incessant need to toss the kid over their heads).
*We will be at our best when we remember to take care of ourselves.
*We will be strong, smart role models. In our successes and in our failures.
*We will keep adding to this list.
*We will keep laughing.
*We will sometimes use salty language—around adults. Of course we can’t stand when people use dirty language around their children. But, on the other hand, isn’t there something unsettling about mothers who talk baby talk and, even worse, can’t keep it out of adult conversation?
*We will find places of sanity and sanctuary in our own backyard. The library, the nature preserve, the mall.
*We won’t forget who we are.
Tell us: what “rules” do you follow as a mother? Leave a comment! Add to the manifesto!
This is just the beginning.
I believe that children shouldnt ever be spoken down to. They are our equals on this earth. They may be adults in training, but they absorb everything around them and deserve to be spoken to in loving, nurchuring ways.
My 19 year oldson calls me a nag. Yes, I admit I am a nag, but as his Mother I have the right to be a nag. If it wasn’t for my nagging, he wouldn’t be going to college, he would be addicted to drugs, he would be worse off than he is now. Thanks to you Mother’s who nag – keep up the good work!
“When our kids scream “I hate you!” We will answer, “Good. That means I’m doing my job.”
True story.
We will remember that we are NOT our children. We will let them live their own lives without too much meddling.
We will not use our children as slaves. Thus, we must remember to say, “Please” and “Thank you” every chance we get.
We will smile at the person speaking to us and give them our full attention.
We will catch our kids doing GOOD as often as possible. We will look for that of God in our children and in all children. We will never, EVER forget what it is like to be 5… 8…. 15…. 20 …. 29….
Teach the child with love.
[...] us: what “rules” do you follow as a mother? Leave a comment! Add to the [...]
Outstanding post full of useful tips! My site is fairly new and I am having a baffling time getting my readers to leave comments. They are coming to the website but I have the impression that “nobody wants to be first”.
I absolutely love this!!!
How about “I will not forget my friends because while I am God to my child at the moment a time will come when they want nothing to do with me and I will need friends again. I will ask my friends how their lives are going and not concentrate only on what wondrous things my kid does. I will NOT post about the latest diarrhea outbreak on my Facebook page as it is disgusting and likely to get me submitted to STFUParents.”
We will always put our childrens wants before our own needs!
if another child is better in a sport then yours, never ever involve yourself in stalking, harassing, or belittling the other child. A rule I have always lived by, unforturanately another mother who subbed at my daughters’ middle used her position to stalk, harass and belittle my daughter and her twin brother. she no longer is allowed to work in any building my twins are in.
Jenni,
Sage words. Hold on to them. The journey is a long one and it’s easy to lose what you know.
Thank you.
I have learned to watch my daughter and try and mold myself to be more like her. The innocence, naivety, and carefreeness that she has is inspiring. She actually stops and smells the flowers while we are walking. She doesn’t EVER judge others – rather accepts everyone for who they are – good or bad. She’s never afraid to laugh or to make me laugh when she knows its “one of those days”. She’s shown me how to really love another person and accept that person, flaws and all.