Beauty & Grooming


Best Lip Balm for the Buck
December 14th, 2010 | 4 Comments

We’re lip biters. No, not the sexy Vampire kind, more like the nervous gnawer kind. As a result, we always have chapped lips. We’ve run through dozens of lip balms high priced to low priced and finally found one we love: Trader Joe’s Lip Balm Virtuoso.

We like the soft spearmint flavor, the silky glide-on and the long-lasting application.

While the product is great and the price is right, the package reads in big bold letters –50% Organic –which weirds us out just a little. What is the other 50% made from?






Face Saving: Why We Groom
December 3rd, 2010 | Comments

We just had a facial. The first in a really long time. It was perfect.

Perfect until it was time to pay, that is, when the woman at the desk– you know the overly perky person charged with ringing up the charges– tried to up-sell us on lotions and potions we just didn’t need and didn’t want. Of course, we declined but her insistence that not using their regimen meant terminal dehydration nearly ruined our hard-squeezed-massaged-and-moisturized-smooth-skin-good-karma.

We keep our products streamlined and simple. By saving we get to splurge on the occasional facial or over-priced product. For example: on a daily basis we use products purchased from the drugstore like Olay Regenerist and Cetaphil Cleanser. On occasion, we treat ourselves to pricy potions like Dr.Hauschka’s Rose Day Cream- because we just love the rosy fragrance–but we don’t indulge too often. (more…)






Fishmonger Love
November 28th, 2010 | Comments

We’re in love with our neighborhood fishmonger.

Yes, they still make fishmongers and since we’re in an anti-meat phase (for lots of reasons: hideous growing conditions, greenhouse gases, we’re grossed out eating flesh) which we don’t strictly adhere to (sometimes we give into temptation) we’re at the fish store a lot.

While our fish guy is the best purveyor for hundreds of miles around, and we do love his glistening, fresh, briny catch, the real reason we’re in love with him is because he noticed our new hair color. We’ve been parading around with a new mop shade for some time and he is one of the few people to take note and approve.

It got us to thinking about how such little things (like being recognized, noticed, complimented) can make someone’s day. All it costs is seeing something and saying something.

So in this overhyped season of forced good cheer and pricy gift giving (or should it be pricy good cheer and forced gift giving)–remember, even though you are a bitch it doesn’t mean you are bitchy, besides it doesn’t cost you anything to be NICE to someone else.

Try it. It’s sweet. It feels good.






The Cheapest Beauty Tip, Like, Ever
September 28th, 2010 | Comments

We were thinking about all the money a gal spends on make-up and grooming products. You know: the Sephora binge and shame jaunts; the Duane Reade/CVS/Walgreen hair accessory pick-me-up-basket-fill-ups; the Avon lady calling and you buying all she’s selling visits.

When it occurred to us the biggest error most of us make when applying make-up or styling our hair is that we do it facing a mirror.

Huh? What’s wrong with looking straight into the mirror? Nothing and everything.  While you get a fabulous full frontal view, you miss all the nuanced dimensions of how people really see you. (Well, not exactly metaphysically, more superficially and three-dimensionally.)

So, the one key grooming and beauty item you should have in your arsenal is a hand held mirror. It’s the biggest beauty buy of all ($2.99 and up) to make sure the back of your hair is in concert with the front, the clips are pinned straight, and the make-up is blended smoothly back from the jaw into the neck line.






Products He Steals
September 16th, 2010 | 2 Comments

You know you’re onto a good product when your boyfriend/husband/ball-n-chain secretly uses it. Oh, they’ll deny it, but it’s true: OUR MEN USE OUR PRODUCTS. We bitches know all, and we’re here to report the grooming products most stolen by our men.

Before we spill the beans, it’s worth noting that the men in question, while fashion conscious to some degree, are decidedly not the metrosexual type. Nope, we’re not talking dudes who get facials and weekly manicures and know Turkish from Egyptian cotton. Still, we’ve done an unscientific poll and have found them using the following:

MAC Brow Set. And why not? It’s a ‘cheapish’, effective, simple product, awesome for keeping unruly brows in place. (And unlike most stuff on the market, the drugstore version just isn’t as good.) Before we discovered this we’d overpluck or overwax, since that seemed the only way to tame our dramatic brows. MAC eyebrow gel keeps ‘em tidy—and it does so invisibly, making it particularly ideal for men. Yes, it’s true, we found our guy using this on the sly to control his handsome, dramatic, but, uh, rather sun-visorish brow. Got a man who’s fighting a private battle with his twin caterpillars? Offer him this weapon and that battle is won.

Smith’s Rosebud Salve. The classic in the vintage-y tin. Recently a friend kissed her manly-man goodnight and tasted a hint of this luscious rose, cotton-candy, baby-oil-esque amalgam. “Have you been using my Rosebud Salve?” He shrugged sheepishly, and she understood why his lips had recently become so soft. Want to tenderize your prince’s pout? Offer him a dab at bedtime. Though we can’t help but wonder—is it a form of narcissism, taking such pleasure in kissing lips that taste so much like our lips? Well, nevermind. Keep it by the bedside. It’s cheap and sweet, just how we like it.

Benefit Benetint. OK, funny story here. Another friend noticed her man emerging from the bathroom with the nicest, most natural-looking flushed cheeks. Ah yes, that rosy, in-from-the-cold, I’m-so-well-rested look. This was a Monday morning in February, the height of haggard pale. She complimented him and, lo and behold, watched him turn a deeper shade of red—turns out he used her Benetint! He confessed all, stammering that he was “just curious.” Fine with us, if it imparts such a natural, flattering stain. If you haven’t tried it yet, swing by the Benefit counter. A splurge, but a bottle lasts a long time (if he doesn’t get his hands on it, that is).

You know you’re onto something good if your man can’t keep his paws off it.

What products do your partners steal? Let us know! Write to us!

This is an anniversary repeat of one of our favorite posts!






Play Make-Believe on a Budget
August 23rd, 2010 | 1 Comment

Who wants to live in the real world all the time? A bitch is in touch with her fantasies. Yep, we’re big fans of role-play… especially thrifty role-play. We’re on a budget, after all.

When you think role-play, you probably think leather-clad dominatrix or sexy nurse or Catholic schoolgirl—meaning your mind goes right to the dirty stuff. We forget that we “play roles” all the time, that tiny tweaks in our attitude and appearance can be just as thrilling as hard-core stuff. We forget that we can do it to please ourselves—not only to please him.

With that in mind, here are some ideas:

MAD MEN. Fan of this terrific TV show? Love the mid-century style? Maybe you long to play role of Joan, that gorgeous curvy secretary—totally self-possessed, totally sexy, totally calm and in control. You may not have quite the same body (who does?!), but you can channel her killer sex appeal and confidence by wearing a garter instead of pantyhose at the office, just like in the days of yore. Forget the expensive stuff.  Walmart makes some wicked sexy lingerie (yes, Walmart.) Try it and see how it makes you feel. Saunter through the office, knowing how strong and sexy you are. (And knowing that cute copy guy would weep if he could see…)

SNOW WHITE. Isn’t there something refreshing about playing the virgin? (C’mon, ladies, we know you can make believe). If you get a thrill playing the role of innocent, dewy-ripe maiden, go no further than your neighborhood drugstore. Loreal Infallible Plumping Lipgloss in Plumped Red (under ten bucks) gives you that just-ate-a-popsicle look of your youth… fresh and young and effortlessly sexy. Apply, smile demurely, and feel (act?) ten years younger.

CATWOMAN. OK, there’s just something awesome about Catwoman. She’s stealthy, in control, sleek, purr-fectly (sorry) villainous. For most bitches, wearing a black leather cat suit to the grocery store may be a little much. Another way to channel this kick-ass character? Rimmel Exaggerate Waterproof Eye Definer (around six bucks). That’s right, girls—get the feeling of Catwoman with cat eyes. You need just a steady hand and a some guts—both of which can be learned. Check out this tutorial. Be glamorous and empowered. Embrace your inner bitch.

What naughty (or nice) roles get you excited? What thrifty products/techniques/articles of clothing put you in touch with your fantasies? We want to know!






Bitches on a Budget: “More Ideas than Bergdorf’s has Snobs”.
August 20th, 2010 | Comments

The Star-Ledger of New Jersey

wrote about Bitches on a Budget:

“...this book has more ideas than Bergdorf’s has snobs. Buy it! With a prose style that clickety-clacks across the page like stiletto heels on a marble floor, Rosalyn Hoffman gives pointers, tips, guidance and ploys for you to maintain, or attain, the glam of a glossy fashion mag. Clothes, home furnishing, vacationing, dining and, yes, plastic surgery, this book covers it all.”

“Some tips: The clothing at Walmart can be as stylish as at Neiman Marcus, and pleasure in a museum as seductive and romantic as a European spa. Dining out? Lunch at that expensive new restaurant everyone is talking about is cheaper than dinner.”

The Sassy Minx wrote about Bitches on a Budget:

“Seriously, I LOVE this book. It’s for minxes like us, who know what we want but don’t want to pay the earth for it. Author-girl, Roz Hoffman is officially my new recession era fashion guru, travel agent, grooming consultant, therapist, sommelier and life coach all rolled into one – come meet her, read about her awesomeness, (more…)






Mascara Surge: Save and Splurge
August 17th, 2010 | Comments

What exactly is a splurge?

It’s all relative. As we discussed in Einstein, Mascara and Chicken Wings, it all depends on the state of your particular checkbook or the state of your emotional deprivation, a splurge is a very personal matter. For example, if you’re absolutely drooling over a hot, new  $700+ Vince leather jacket then a $24  blinc: Kiss Me Mascara is looking like a real bargain. But if you compare that price to what a perfectly good, $7.49 Maybelline Falsies mascara costs, then it’s a huge splurge.

blinc tube mascara!

blinc: Kiss Me Mascara

maybelline falsies!

Maybelline Falsies

Whether it’s mascara or leather, we save to splurge. We’ll occasionally wear our ‘Falsies’ (that doesn’t sound right) to get to be kissed by our real favorite ‘blinc’.

We’ll save up for our leather jacket and wait it out through the season, watching and waiting to pounce at the first markdown. (After all, we know those gorgeous butter soft leather numbers aren’t going to be hanging around for the second markdown cycle.)

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Bald, Bewhiskered, Vajazzled
August 5th, 2010 | Comments

We have decided as a policy to stop naming names of useless starlets who paint obscenities on their fingernails, hypocritical politicians and commentators who trade in misinformation, professional athletes with time-wasting television specials, and fashion designers who behave in provocative ways to get their kissers face forward in the news. So, we’ll just show this picture to illustrate our outrage, once again, at the fashionindustry and fashion world in general for continuing to use shockingly underweight models.

Bald, bewhiskered, vajazzled–who cares? But parading models with such obviously unhealthy eating behavior is and should be outside the pale for any reputable fashion house. The baldhead, silly beard and naked torso would have been edgy enough to get front-page attention, why add to it an emaciated frame?

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Contest #12: Re-purpose the Ordinary
August 3rd, 2010 | 11 Comments

We’re savers. There’s not much we can let go of, yes, we’ve been known to hold on to a grudge or two, but that’s not the kind of saving we’re talking about . No, we’re thinking about holding on to things like plastic produce bags, cute little spice jars, and old cast iron skillets. We use the bags to clean up after our puppy, the newspapers to clean windows, the spice jars for odds and ends and the cast iron skillet as a meat pounder.

We haven’t run a contest in a long time and today seemed the perfect day to start one.  We’ll go for one week and the lucky winner will win her very own copy of Bitches on a Budget and special mention on our Facebook page. (more…)