Does this ever happen to you? You undress and your partner’s overwhelmed, flushed, delighted. He smiles appraisingly. Then, as his eyes land on your lower region, his face falls and he says, “Nice, but I wish you sparkled a little more.”

Ladies, welcome to the world of Vajazzling. Vajazzling? Huh?

We are repulsed and mildly amused by this new trend to replace a normal pubic area with glitter. Evidently it was popularized by Jennifer Love Hewitt, who announced on national TV that she’s a modern Vajazzled gal. Now it’s not enough to have an unnaturally hairless pubic region. Yours has to twinkle with crystals—Swarvoski, obviously. Is this where a modern woman wants to spend her hard-earned money? We’re all for playfulness, for fantasy, for women decorating themselves as they see fit. But this just flat-out disturbs us. Our culture has moved so far from a natural state of things—we’ve ceased to appreciate women as they are. (For another example, see our Huff Post story on Victoria’s Secret’s new ad campaign.) Can’t we feel good about ourselves without these high-priced, utterly artificial gimmicks? A little playfulness—great. Spending $$$ to have a stranger glue shiny rocks to your freshly waxed pubic bone? Sorry, we’re not getting it. (If you’re still curious, you can watch a Vejazzling procedure here.)

If you must indulge, do it with your partner. Be crafty in all the right places! Dim the lights, light a candle, pull out the non-toxic glue, a shaker of silver glitter…You know what they say: “the couple that ‘Jazzles together…” Well, not sure how to finish that one.

Another gripe? They call this “vaginal adornment.” Uh, hello? Anatomy lesson, anyone? The vagina is an internal organ.

Let’s hope this trend dies out soon.

In our book we rant and rave about dry shampoo. Sounds kind of weird, you may be thinking. Spray powder for my head? What am I, George Washington in the school play? Don’t cut down the cherry tree just yet, honey.

For mornings when you have no time to wash but your hair’s a veritable oil slick, this stuff rocks. You’ll find tons of expensive versions out there, but there’s no need to blow your wad!

One brand we like: Psssssst Instant Spray Shampoo. Five and a half bucks a can. And—best of all—unscented. Unscented! A rare find. It means your head doesn’t smell like nuclear mango or baby powder fireball all day.

SO:

1. Spray it in.

2. Brush it out.

3. Oil is absorbed. Bounce and texture amplified.

Be sure to brush thoroughly (especially if you’re a raven-haired beauty) so that you don’t unwittingly resemble good ol’ George.

Later, when you’re complimented on your luscious, glowing locks, be like our Founding Father and say: “I cannot tell a lie. I barely do anything to my hair.”