budget
Home Decorating and Horny
September 7th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: accessories, antlers, budget, chandeliers, Decorating, home design, horns, humor
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For those of you who have read ‘The Bitches’ you know we lust after bold, sexy, big…
…chandeliers.
While we’re infatuated with enormous antler-inspired light fixtures, we can’t have them. They’re way too big for our space, too pricy for our budget and would require an entire home makeover to fit in.
Sooo…
…we went on the hunt for substitutes because we believe that little things, when used correctly, can still keep a girl satisfied. We’ve found an array of faux horny things sure to please:
While not illuminating this cardboard head is dear to us.
This wall mounted coat hangar is a complete turn-on.
Ballard Designs, (one of our go to catalogs for good looking home accents), is selling a knockout collection by Susan Kasler.
Of course, a gal on a budget could brave the woods* and collect her own trophies. After all, those big bucks freely shed their wares.
*(Just make sure the woods you pick allow you to legally collect shed antlers.)
A Clothing Diet? Not for this B* on a Budget
September 4th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargain, bargains, Books, budget, clothing diet, Shopping, wardrobe basics
Some things in life are sacred, so we usually make it a rule to avoid mixing religion, politics and fashion. Full burqas, nun habits and total hipster head to toe black uniforms are all equally colorless. We thank the fashion gods that the cold war is over rendering the grey Soviet bloc look and the ubiquitous Mao jacket relics of the past. In fact, is not Michelle Obama on Vanity Fair’s best-dressed list proof positive that we are not a socialist state?
So, all the talk lately about going on a ‘clothing diet’ and paring a wardrobe down to only a few flavorless items has gotten our juices flowing. Trust us, we’re first in line for buying sensibly. Hello! What woman in her right mind would ever pay full price for a pair of Louboutin or Prada shoes? (Okay, maybe you do if you’re one of the billionaires Gates and Buffett strong-armed into giving away half their fortune to charity.)
While we’re all living on a smarter budget, this is not synonymous with a gal starving herself of fashionable clothing and accessories. Being fashionable is a privilege of living in a free society. It is an expression of individuality, curiosity, creativity and art. The question is, what does a lady really need and how does she get it without breaking the bank — or what’s left of it? That’s why we want to share our fashion philosophy:
We believe that fresh, sexy and serious are the building blocks of a modern closet. Whether you want to be the fresh-faced girl in blue blazer and khakis, the biker chick in leather jacket and motorcycle boots, or the power ranger in little black dress and black pumps, a good wardrobe allows you to play out all your fantasies.
Today’s woman knows that monogamy is dead — brand monogamy, that is. So shop around to get what you need. Invest in and hold on to hard pieces like suiting, outerwear and great jeans. Buy investment grade pieces on sale. Play around with soft pieces like underwear, workout clothes and tees. Head to discounters and mass retailers. And, have a little fun on the side with trendy seasonal looks and accessories — think Anthro, the street vendor guy at 71st and B’way, Etsy.
Finally, embrace the religion of the generation that fully understands the pleasures of going both ways: head to a consignment shop, buy and sell on e-bay, take it or leave it at the recycling center. After all, being a green goddess is one sure way to fashion heaven.
In our book, Bitches on a Budget, we lay out the essentials for every wardrobe:
• A great denim jacket.
• A leather motorcycle jacket.
• A navy blazer.
• An all-season trench.
• Blue jeans and black jeans with a perfect fit.
• Khaki trousers.
• Two white shirts: one button down, one ultra feminine.
• A white cashmere cardigan.
• A bright-colored cashmere cardigan.
• A little black dress.
• A sexy party dress.
• A black suit-skirt and trousers.
• Black high heels and flats.
• Metallic ballet flats.
• A great pair of black boots.
• Brown cowboy boots.
• A black hobo bag.
• A black clutch.
• A brown leather knapsack.
• Brown driving shoes.
• A set of X-rated lingerie.
• One hot chemise.
This story first appeared in The Huffington Post.
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It’s About Timex
September 2nd, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, J Crew, savings, Shopping, Timex, watches
It’s about time.
This morning we went to J Crew to return an impulse purchase from yesterday. In fact, getting it together to make amends in such a timely manner and dispose of this mistake made us feel proud. We avoided the ‘meaning to return it’ predicament that can get a gal into trouble. You know the problem: you mean to get to the store and you mean to get to the store, but you’re always so busy that taking the time to go back just doesn’t happen. The shirt or shoes or scarf end up in the bag in the back of your closet. You feel shame when you eventually give the item away with tags still attached.
But we digress.
As we were waiting to make the return, we noticed a stack of really cute Timex watches. True, we don’t need a new watch but we’ve been wanting a man-sized-round-faced watch with big easy to read numbers.
And, hey, we did deserve some reward for avoiding return FAIL. These were perfect and we assumed not too pricy. Hello, they were Timex. Then we turned the box over and saw the $150 dollar price tag. Even though the watch was pretty sweet, style-wise, there was NO WAY we could rationalize using our return-good-doobie-credit to buy it.
 J Crew Timex Still, we were excited and inspired. Of course, a Timex mens watch would be just the ticket to requite our watch-lust. We returned home, got to work and found these simple cool Timex watches for under $30 bucks on Amazon.
 
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P.S. Just in case you’re not in the market for a watch, as we were leaving J Crew, we spied this to-die- for velvet jacket in dark plum. (It looks even better in person.) This time we did not make a hasty purchase and followed our own advice: search and lust, wait and purchase. Although, when it goes on sale we’re so in.
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Soup Bones
August 31st, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, chicken, Food & Spirits, green, recipes, Soups
Over the weekend, we made the best roast chicken we had all summer. (Actually, it was the only roast chicken we had all summer, it’s been too damn hot to turn on the oven.) We stuffed the cavity with fresh herbs from the garden, garlic, onion, and lemon, seasoned it liberally with salt and pepper and roasted it in on a bed of onions, carrots and turnips. Our hungry group picked the chicken clean and devoured the veggies.
Thrifty B’s that we are, we saved the leftover scraps, frame and pan juices. This morning we put them into a big stockpot along with the odds and ends from the vegetable drawer: a slightly sad zucchini, the ends of a bag of spinach, the last few carrots, a stick of celery, half of an onion, a garlic clove. We covered it all with cold water, brought it to a boil and then turned the heat down to a slow simmer. It’s cooking down now and later this afternoon we’ll add half a cup or so of wheat berries or barley or faro to the mix (depending on what’s in the cupboard), season with salt and pepper and have this for dinner.
Actually, whenever we have leftover bones, juices and gravies we add them to the pot (so to speak) to create another interesting, flavorful and cheap meal. Not to get too earthy crunchy or anything, but there is a kind of harmonic convergence in being a bitch on a budget, a good green queen and a true foodie.
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Bitches on a Budget: “More Ideas than Bergdorf’s has Snobs”.
August 20th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargain, Beauty & Grooming, Book Reviews Bitches on a Budget, budget, Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, savings, Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
The Star-Ledger of New Jersey
wrote about Bitches on a Budget:
“...this book has more ideas than Bergdorf’s has snobs. Buy it! With a prose style that clickety-clacks across the page like stiletto heels on a marble floor, Rosalyn Hoffman gives pointers, tips, guidance and ploys for you to maintain, or attain, the glam of a glossy fashion mag. Clothes, home furnishing, vacationing, dining and, yes, plastic surgery, this book covers it all.”
“Some tips: The clothing at Walmart can be as stylish as at Neiman Marcus, and pleasure in a museum as seductive and romantic as a European spa. Dining out? Lunch at that expensive new restaurant everyone is talking about is cheaper than dinner.”
The Sassy Minx  wrote about Bitches on a Budget:
“Seriously, I LOVE this book. It’s for minxes like us, who know what we want but don’t want to pay the earth for it. Author-girl, Roz Hoffman is officially my new recession era fashion guru, travel agent, grooming consultant, therapist, sommelier and life coach all rolled into one – come meet her, read about her awesomeness, (more…)
Coconut Water: A Nutty Choice?
August 10th, 2010 | 2 Comments
Tags: bargain, budget, coconut water, Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, savings
It’s hot again on our planet and we’ve been thinking about how to stay hydrated. We’re big water drinkers. It’s free, it’s easily available, it’s free, it’s not too sweet, and, did we mention, it is free.
We were kvetching at dinner about how we can’t remember what it’s like to not be sweaty and thirsty, one thing led to another and the topic of coconut water (CW) came up. A friend told us about the explosive growth in the sector and we remembered that we noticed last week that our local supermarket is suddenly carrying a section of half gallon milk-like cartons emblazoned with coconuts. We really should be paying more attention, but to be honest, when we read early on that Madonna invested gobs of dough in one of the CW companies and planet Hollywood started walking around consuming coconut water as the next new ‘it’ drink (don’t forget ‘Water Bars’– places selling designer bottled water sprang up in La- La-Land) we decided to remain woefully ignorant. (more…)
Think Small. Save Big.
August 9th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, savings, Travel & Entertainment
In Chapter 7, Get Out, Get Entertained: Welcome to the New Good Times, we tease out the difference between comfort and pleasure. We offer up new and old venues (rethought) and activities for you to get out to, so you can enjoy yourself without blowing your wad. After all, there are lots of leagues to play in, whether it’ s in food, art, theater, music or sports.
From Bitches on a Budget:
This is your opportunity to stand up and rethink the activities that you’ve been spending your time on. Money and things can be re-earned and remade, but time is a nonrenewable resource, and only you have control over how you spend yours.
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Despite common wisdom, spending money doesn’t bring true, long-lasting pleasure. Yes, we know the rush when you snag a table at that hot new restaurant or score tickets to a sold-out concert. But how long does that feeling last?…Did you really love the deconstructed, reconstructed, molecularly reengineered food? Did you truly adore the narcissistic spectacle–gyrating hips, fireworks…. of that stadium concert?
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It’s time to consider a separation from the jaded majors in favor of playing the field with the sweet farm team. After all, why would you want Alex Rodriguez when you can have a fresh, waiting-to-be-broken-in, pliable, up-and-coming prospect? (Yep, that’s how we like them: up-and-coming.)
Honey, this little economic adjustment may be just what the doctor ordered to get back in touch with the things you love and break the ‘more is more’ and ‘bigger is better’ cycle.
Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Available at most bookstores and Amazon.com.
Dirty Little Secrets (Redux)
July 27th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Baby, bargains, budget, mamas, parenting, Shopping
If you haven’t noticed, we like to titillate. Call it arrested development, call it dirty minds. For example, when the waiter asks if we’d “like anything else,” the voice in our head goes to all kinds of places–and we’re not talking dessert. We’re not ashamed. Getting dirty (even if it’s just in our imagination) is both fun and cheap, and a bitch on a budget can’t turn her back on cheap thrills (even if they’re all fantasies). So why are we admitting this now? Because we’re about to talk about the least dirty thing we know. That’s right, we’re going to talk about babies.
Since we’re being honest—this is bitch-to-bitch—babies are sexy’s anti-matter. You think we’re kidding? Consider the evidence at hand:
Babies turns lingerie into a support garment.
Staying up all night is sexy, until there’s a baby involved.
Focusing a camera on a bed is sexy, unless it’s attached to a baby monitor.
So why are we even talking about babies? Because, while it’s one thing to have your bundle of cute joy liquidate your sexy surplus, it’s quite another to have extraneous baby merchandise bankrupt your savings account.
Without further ado, here are three things that every mother is told to buy, but which we think you can do without:
1. The wipes warmer. Is your grandmother a tough old broad? Well, nobody bothered to warm her wipes. Unless you live in an igloo, we think this is $20 that would be better spent on takeout.
2. The Diaper Genie. Nothing motivates a consumer like fear. Do you want to smell poop? You do not. A Poop-Be-Gone system (all variations on the same theme, a technological marvel of a trash can and refillable liners) seems an easy solution. Here’s what you fail to anticipate: at some point a dirty diaper will EXPLODE while being fed into the patent-pending mechanism (this usually happens at night). The refills for What Poop?, What Poop II?, and Super-Whatcha-Talking-About Poop are non-compatible—and the convenience store never has the one you need. Consider this: wet diapers outnumber dirty by a factor of five or six to one. Our solution? If you’re using disposable diapers, get a small, lidded trashcan for the nursery. Pop the wet diapers in there. Save plastic grocery bags for those times when your little bundle of joy makes a bundle of misery—bag it and get that thing outside. You’ll save $300 a year on liners alone.
3. Barcalounger Highchairs. Everyone knows that babies drool, spit-up, spill, and throw food. So why the trend towards upholstered high chairs with all those nooks and crannies? We don’t get it. Let’s look at another population that has trouble eating without making a mess: bachelors. What do they prefer? That’s right: black leather sofas. If you find a black leather highchair, snap it up. Otherwise, we’d suggest molded plastic. IKEA makes one for $20. With all the time you’ll save in clean-up, think about all the fun you’ll have doing more pleasurable things!
Home Remedies to Get You out of Your Depression
July 20th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, Decorating, home design, linens, mirrors, Shopping
We all need a little pick-me-up from time to time, whether it’s a new lipstick or a home refresher. Here’s a teaser from chapter 4 of Bitches on a Budget, all about updating your home on a shoestring. We’ll give you the lowdown on what to toss, how to re-purpose, where to buy, and when to splurge.
Home Remedies to Get You Out of Recession Depression
On linens:
Bitch, you spend more time in the bed and bath than anywhere else. Outside of your toothbrush, which objects gets more up close and personal? Do you need reminding of a few basic facts? OK, here goes. Things suck. Life is short, wars rage, money’s tight, jobs are sparse. These days, the only legitimate way to pamper yourself is with everyday objects—the things you use constantly. The things that know your skin and curves better than any man ever could…
On the Mid-Century Modern Craze:
Mid-century modern became hot by skipping a generation. No one wanted the old furniture from those 50’s ranch houses, so it was cheap, cheap, cheap. All the very cool hipster, creative types who couldn’t afford pricy antiques bought it because they could afford it…. Be a contrarian and think of the rush to modern as your opportunity to get back in touch (a little) with the frippery and finery of another era. A bitch is nothing if not in touch with her paradoxes…
On Mirrors:
Think Grandma’s place in Miami: the walls of mirror, the gold furnishings, the plastic cover on the sofa…. We can go without the plastic, but those mirrors? Love ‘em. They’re a perfect, simple, and cheap way to enhance any room. We’re not talking Poconos ceiling mirrors (although we like your thinking) but well-placed, space-enhancing, light-reflecting mirrors…
Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Available at all major bookstores and Amazon.
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits
July 19th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, buying cars, cars, savings, Shopping, used cars, women and cars
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits is the title of the chapter in our book about cars, bikes, scooters, blades, trains, shopping carts…basically, all rolling transport.
Since a new car is ghastly expensive when you factor in the cost of the vehicle, sales taxes, excise taxes, and insurance, we advise holding your hand when it comes to car purchases:
“Cars are not a fashion accessory. Get a grip and resist the auto industry’s new-model cycle. Beware that new-car smell luring you into “premature purchase”. Most cars should last at least eight to ten years before very costly repairs are necessary.”
That said, eventually the old beast runs out of gas and you need to invest in a new one. We offer guidance and smart resources for a gal looking for a car. We think buying used is one of the smartest ways to save since depreciation on a new vehicle is shockingly high, shockingly fast — 45% in the first 3 years of ownership. Just make sure you do your homework: buy from a dependable source and have it checked out by a hot mechanic with good hands. (Ok, you just need a good mechanic.)
How you finance your car purchase, whether it’s new or used, is important. We advocate for careful saving in advance to avoid leasing and loans, but we know that’s not always possible. So, before you go shopping for your car, head over to your own bank or credit union so you can go in armed to purchase with your own financing in place. While there are loads of upright dealer citizens, we know of too many stories where unscrupulous dealers play games with contracts and make excess profit off financing plans.
For more on all things that roll–including the ultimate in ‘to die for’ shopping trolleys–check out Bitches on a Budget!
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