Health & Fitness


Bridalplasty: Botox to the Brain
November 7th, 2010 | Comments

Is it possible that more than one Hollywood executive is injecting Botox to the brain?

This week E! launched the trailer for their new reality television series called Bridalplasty. The show will feature a bevy of brides competing for the grand prize of having an extreme plastic surgery makeover, which will be unveiled on their wedding day. Each week, the show will feature wedding related contests with the winner getting to choose a single procedure from her plastic surgery ‘wish list.’

The Hollywood Reporter described the show by saying, “One by one, the women are voted out by their competitors and, according to the show’s description, “possibly walking away with nothing and losing [their] chance to be the perfect bride.”

At first blush, the opportunities for amusement might seem great: A show where the loser gets eliminated and the winner gets knifed. Plus, it make gifts for the wedding party simple: breast implants for bridesmaids and phalloplasty for groomsmen.  Once one gets beyond the initial wave of cutting humor, though, this show promises to be more bizarre and damaging than amusing. (more…)






Elections Count in our Budget: Vote Like It’s Brain Surgery
October 29th, 2010 | Comments

Imagine you had a brain tumor and had to choose a surgeon. What would be your criteria?

Charm?

A fun personality?

A preference for vodka over whiskey?

How about a regular guy/gal who, despite designer clothing and great hair, is unthreatening?

Someone with little experience, say a single operation under their belt in a remote hospital?

Someone un-elitist enough to graduate at the bottom of their class from Med school?

(more…)






Ghoulish and Free
October 26th, 2010 | 49 Comments

Unless you are an Ann Rice, Steven King or Stephenie Meyer fan on the hunt for your favorite vampire, you might be wondering what kind of twisted person cruises a cemetery for pleasure?

With Halloween fast approaching we thought it would be fun to find some ghoulish outdoor inspiration for a daily walk. And, of course, it had to be free.

In the old, old days cemeteries were dull and dreary places. Often adjacent to a church they were religious and serviceable final resting grounds.  Graves were stacked high, unmarked, neglected– certainly not places of romantic inspiration let alone a destination worthy of a visit without morbid cause.   Pere Lachaise Cemetery built in Paris in the early 1800’s changed the vision of cemeteries and what they could be.  Planned around beautiful park like grounds, respecting the natural landscape, planted with beautiful specimens this first ‘rural or garden’ cemetery became a model for cemeteries all over the world.

Being rather picky and discerning we didn’t choose just any cemetery. We chose the most magnificent of the ‘garden or rural cemeteries’ for a perambulation: the Mount Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, MA.  Originally built in 1831 it was the first in this country and according to the NPS even inspired the movement for public parks ! (more…)






Honey, We Like the Raw Stuff
October 6th, 2010 | 3 Comments

We first started writing this blog under the cover of relative obscurity,  (before we became really big bitches- at least that’s what they say about us now), we wrote about experimenting with rough raw stuff.  We were addicted  pouring big money into our habit, we tried everything we could get our hands on. Some of the stuff was nasty, dirty looking, foul tasting–sure to make us ill. Some of the stuff was so refined and processed we felt nothing. Then we found perfection. It was as though Smokey the Bear married Marshmallow Fluff.

Oh!

We forgot to mention we’re talking about honey.  Raw honey.  For those of you who missed our earlier ranting and raving on the pleasure of yummy raw honey we thought we’d share our earlier post hoping that you’ll share with us your favorite honey variety. Enjoy!

You know our obsession with finding the little things that make a bitch happy. That spoonful of sugar…well, not sugar anymore if we can help it. These days we’re all about honey. No, we’re not members of the healthy food police, but we do like to eat as well as we can. For example, when given the choice we take brown over white rice and wheat over white bread. Organic over non-organic. Unprocessed over processed. And honey over sugar in all the right places: in our tea, spread on toasted Eli’s health loaf, baked into our favorite ancho chili blue corn bread recipe (we’ll share, we promise). We’ve been experimenting with raw honey. Interesting. We’ve tried it all. We’ve explored the gamut of  ‘raw’ honey—from the kind with a faintly feral hive odor and bits of bees in it (at least we thought we came upon wings and stingers) to a very pricey, waxy, raw clover blend with a bland odorless flavor. We’ve worked hard to find you the world’s best most delicious honey…and in our search we discovered something divine. It’s a lovely blend of that classic Smokey the Bear-container honey, fragrant wildflowers, and marshmallow fluff. 365 Organics Wildflower Raw Honey from Whole Foods is the one we love!

Yet another update:

After we wrote and re-wrote, published and re-published this post, we received in the mail a gift  of raw honey from Mohawk Valley Trading Company. Three yummy jars worth. (Come to think of it, it’s the only thing we’ve ever received  in return for all this writing). Anyway, since we’re fickle and not necessarily monogamous bitches — at least when it comes to our food affairs–we loved their RAW Maine Wild Blueberry Blossom Honey.  Check it out.

Tell us about your favorite raw honey and where you buy it.






Roots Week: Baked Sweet Potato Fries. Sweet.
September 20th, 2010 | 2 Comments

Healthy, delicious, easy.  Sweet.

Not only have we have given up old fashioned fried fries, but our potato of choice is sweet potato*.  So what could be better than simple to make, yummy to eat, baked sweet potato fries?

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Wash and completely dry one large sweet potato (we buy organic whenever possible). This should be enough for two people.

If you like wedges, cut the potato in half the long way. Place the flat side down on your cutting board and slice each half into 4- 6 wedges (you determine how thin or thick you want them, just remember to check on them as they cook). If you prefer a real ‘fry’ look,  slice the potato into 1/3-inch long slices, then 1/3-wide inch strips.

Before baking, lightly coat them with olive oil, sea salt and loads of freshly ground pepper . Get creative and vary your seasonings: cumin, curry, paprika, truffle oil…

Place on baking sheet lined with parchment (easy clean-up) and cook from 20-30 minutes until crispy on the outside and soft inside.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

*We were wondering about the difference between yams and sweet potatoes and did a little research.  In the US almost all potatoes labeled as yams are in fact sweet potatoes.  The Texas Cooperative Extension Aggie Horticulture Network, advises buying sweet potatoes with a deep color for the best food value. For best food flavor they advise storing them in an environment between 55-60 degrees–not the refrigerator.

Root cellars anyone?

.






PB&Joe
September 17th, 2010 | 2 Comments

We have a confession to make.

We scoffed at peanut butter and jelly when we were kids. While, on occasion, we could be coerced into a Fluffernutter on white bread (we feel nauseated thinking about it now), the thick gooey peanut butter sticking to the roof of our mouth made us feel like we were gagging. (On reflection, maybe it had something to do with the peanut-fluff-white-bread-glue-mix.)

So it’s kind of twisted that as adults we’re totally crazy about peanut butter. (Although, we never liked hot dogs as a kid and they still gross us out. Ugh, think about what you’re eating and feeding your kids people.)

Anyway, now that we’ve got the peanut butter bug we’ve been searching for the best tasting brand -at the best price. We’ve bought the big guys: Skippy, Jif, Teddies, Reeses. We’ve tried small scale organic brands. We’ve ground shelled peanuts in the machines at Whole Foods and tried making our own. (A tip: Just don’t. Shelling all those peanuts sucks!)

But, leave it to good old Joe to give a gal good, goods. Yup, for our money Trader Joe’s has the best peanut butter in the world. Organic. Smooth or Crunchy. Great price.






Be smart. Stay in. Save cash. Make your own fun.
September 13th, 2010 | 1 Comment

We’ve already talked about which products your partner steals from you—and which you should steal from them. Now we’re here with an updated list of products you should use together. Be smart. Stay in. Save cash. Make your own fun–

Step One: Get Groovin’. Swing by your local independent music store (these guys are suffering, folks) and buy some mellow jazz on an indie label (these guys have never not suffered).  We’ve already turned you on to  Bennie Maupin’s “Early Reflections”.  Now we want to share with you our all-time-fave-forever-sexy-jazz-great,  Chet Baker.  Check out his music and  if that doesn’t get you in the mood, nothing will. See Indie Jazz for other ideas. Press play and move onto–

STEP TWO: Get Dirty. Yes, we do mean dirty. You can spring for pricy love potions, but you’re paying for the sexy marketing. For half the price, we’re fans of  Now, Almond Body Oil, found at any health food store. Then again, a truly frugal bitch will make her own massage oil with canola and essential oils (if you’ve got any good recipes, send ‘em our way). We trust you know what to do with the stuff. Follow with—

STEP THREE: Get clean. Hop in the shower. For a delicious splurge, you won’t regret Weleda’s, Birch Body Scrub, (ahem, leave the thrashing branches behind.) Or for half the price, opt for the oldie, but goodie, Neutrogena Sugar Scrub Body Exfoliator. Or be a real bitch on a budget and make your own: mix equal parts brown sugar and granulated white sugar, squirt in some of your almond oil, and add powdered cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger to your liking. A tasty treat –

Send us your home recipes!






Bitches on a Budget: “More Ideas than Bergdorf’s has Snobs”.
August 20th, 2010 | Comments

The Star-Ledger of New Jersey

wrote about Bitches on a Budget:

“...this book has more ideas than Bergdorf’s has snobs. Buy it! With a prose style that clickety-clacks across the page like stiletto heels on a marble floor, Rosalyn Hoffman gives pointers, tips, guidance and ploys for you to maintain, or attain, the glam of a glossy fashion mag. Clothes, home furnishing, vacationing, dining and, yes, plastic surgery, this book covers it all.”

“Some tips: The clothing at Walmart can be as stylish as at Neiman Marcus, and pleasure in a museum as seductive and romantic as a European spa. Dining out? Lunch at that expensive new restaurant everyone is talking about is cheaper than dinner.”

The Sassy Minx wrote about Bitches on a Budget:

“Seriously, I LOVE this book. It’s for minxes like us, who know what we want but don’t want to pay the earth for it. Author-girl, Roz Hoffman is officially my new recession era fashion guru, travel agent, grooming consultant, therapist, sommelier and life coach all rolled into one – come meet her, read about her awesomeness, (more…)






The Exercise Test from Bitches on a Budget
August 14th, 2010 | 1 Comment

A snippet from Chapter 3 Bitches on a Budget:

No Money is No Excuse: Be A Healthy (and Thrifty) Bitch:

Just because your purse strings are tight, your anxiety level elevated, and the future of the free world uncertain, there are no excuses for sitting on the couch swilling martinis chased by boxes of Double Stuf Oreos and chocolate orgasm ice cream…Follow our advice  clean up your food act get your ass in gear and spend a little more time on the best free pleasure life has to offer. We guarantee hard times will never have looked–or felt–so good!

Since any motion is better than no motion, in order to help you to get moving we have a simple little test to determine what kind of exercising bitch you are. Here’s a little clip:

*Are you a Lazy Bitch?

She just can’t get it together to do anything. Every day in every way she means to get going. Tomorrow she’s going to start jogging, riding her bicycle, walking two blocks to the store instead of driving.  The next day arrives but it’s too cold out, she has a headache (the same one she had the night before when her husband  wanted to have sex), the laces are broken on her sneakers.

*Are you a Bitchy Bitch?

She hates exercise of any sort. She bitches and moans more than she works out. With unflagging hope she buys gear for each of her new, fabulous sports and activities. She begins each with the fervent belief that being properly outfitted will catapult her into the Boston Marathon, onto the LPGA tour, or the cover of Sports Illustrated. (You don’t have the heart to tell her that SI has nothing to do with women or sports—it’s all about men’s horny dreams).

*Or a Peppy Bitch?

She is just so happy to go and work out she just can’t get enough! So cheerful. Whether in her little tennis whites (racket in hand), Speedo swimsuit (goggles in hand), or pressed Bermuda shorts (nine iron in hand), she keeps to a routine. Coming back from her morning six miles… she gushes about her endorphin high, practically climaxing when she describes her squat thrusts. (more…)






Coconut Water: A Nutty Choice?
August 10th, 2010 | 2 Comments

It’s hot again on our planet and we’ve been thinking about how to stay hydrated. We’re big water drinkers. It’s free, it’s easily available, it’s free, it’s not too sweet, and, did we mention, it is free.

We were kvetching at dinner about how we can’t remember what it’s like to not be sweaty and thirsty, one thing led to another and the topic of coconut water (CW) came up. A friend told us about the explosive growth in the sector and we remembered that we noticed last week that our local supermarket is suddenly carrying a section of half gallon milk-like cartons emblazoned with coconuts. We really should be paying more attention, but to be honest, when we read early on that Madonna invested gobs of dough in one of the CW companies and planet Hollywood started walking around consuming coconut water as the next new ‘it’ drink (don’t forget ‘Water Bars’– places selling designer bottled water sprang up in La- La-Land) we decided to remain woefully ignorant. (more…)