Shopping
Dirty Little Secrets (Redux)
July 27th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Baby, bargains, budget, mamas, parenting, Shopping
If you haven’t noticed, we like to titillate. Call it arrested development, call it dirty minds. For example, when the waiter asks if we’d “like anything else,” the voice in our head goes to all kinds of places–and we’re not talking dessert. We’re not ashamed. Getting dirty (even if it’s just in our imagination) is both fun and cheap, and a bitch on a budget can’t turn her back on cheap thrills (even if they’re all fantasies). So why are we admitting this now? Because we’re about to talk about the least dirty thing we know. That’s right, we’re going to talk about babies.
Since we’re being honest—this is bitch-to-bitch—babies are sexy’s anti-matter. You think we’re kidding? Consider the evidence at hand:
Babies turns lingerie into a support garment.
Staying up all night is sexy, until there’s a baby involved.
Focusing a camera on a bed is sexy, unless it’s attached to a baby monitor.
So why are we even talking about babies? Because, while it’s one thing to have your bundle of cute joy liquidate your sexy surplus, it’s quite another to have extraneous baby merchandise bankrupt your savings account.
Without further ado, here are three things that every mother is told to buy, but which we think you can do without:
1. The wipes warmer. Is your grandmother a tough old broad? Well, nobody bothered to warm her wipes. Unless you live in an igloo, we think this is $20 that would be better spent on takeout.
2. The Diaper Genie. Nothing motivates a consumer like fear. Do you want to smell poop? You do not. A Poop-Be-Gone system (all variations on the same theme, a technological marvel of a trash can and refillable liners) seems an easy solution. Here’s what you fail to anticipate: at some point a dirty diaper will EXPLODE while being fed into the patent-pending mechanism (this usually happens at night). The refills for What Poop?, What Poop II?, and Super-Whatcha-Talking-About Poop are non-compatible—and the convenience store never has the one you need. Consider this: wet diapers outnumber dirty by a factor of five or six to one. Our solution? If you’re using disposable diapers, get a small, lidded trashcan for the nursery. Pop the wet diapers in there. Save plastic grocery bags for those times when your little bundle of joy makes a bundle of misery—bag it and get that thing outside. You’ll save $300 a year on liners alone.
3. Barcalounger Highchairs. Everyone knows that babies drool, spit-up, spill, and throw food. So why the trend towards upholstered high chairs with all those nooks and crannies? We don’t get it. Let’s look at another population that has trouble eating without making a mess: bachelors. What do they prefer? That’s right: black leather sofas. If you find a black leather highchair, snap it up. Otherwise, we’d suggest molded plastic. IKEA makes one for $20. With all the time you’ll save in clean-up, think about all the fun you’ll have doing more pleasurable things!
Home Remedies to Get You out of Your Depression
July 20th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, Decorating, home design, linens, mirrors, Shopping
We all need a little pick-me-up from time to time, whether it’s a new lipstick or a home refresher. Here’s a teaser from chapter 4 of Bitches on a Budget, all about updating your home on a shoestring. We’ll give you the lowdown on what to toss, how to re-purpose, where to buy, and when to splurge.
Home Remedies to Get You Out of Recession Depression
On linens:
Bitch, you spend more time in the bed and bath than anywhere else. Outside of your toothbrush, which objects gets more up close and personal? Do you need reminding of a few basic facts? OK, here goes. Things suck. Life is short, wars rage, money’s tight, jobs are sparse. These days, the only legitimate way to pamper yourself is with everyday objects—the things you use constantly. The things that know your skin and curves better than any man ever could…
On the Mid-Century Modern Craze:
Mid-century modern became hot by skipping a generation. No one wanted the old furniture from those 50’s ranch houses, so it was cheap, cheap, cheap. All the very cool hipster, creative types who couldn’t afford pricy antiques bought it because they could afford it…. Be a contrarian and think of the rush to modern as your opportunity to get back in touch (a little) with the frippery and finery of another era. A bitch is nothing if not in touch with her paradoxes…
On Mirrors:
Think Grandma’s place in Miami: the walls of mirror, the gold furnishings, the plastic cover on the sofa…. We can go without the plastic, but those mirrors? Love ‘em. They’re a perfect, simple, and cheap way to enhance any room. We’re not talking Poconos ceiling mirrors (although we like your thinking) but well-placed, space-enhancing, light-reflecting mirrors…
Bitches on a Budget is published by the New American Library division of Penguin Books. Available at all major bookstores and Amazon.
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits
July 19th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, buying cars, cars, savings, Shopping, used cars, women and cars
A Bitch on Wheels Knows Her Limits is the title of the chapter in our book about cars, bikes, scooters, blades, trains, shopping carts…basically, all rolling transport.
Since a new car is ghastly expensive when you factor in the cost of the vehicle, sales taxes, excise taxes, and insurance, we advise holding your hand when it comes to car purchases:
“Cars are not a fashion accessory. Get a grip and resist the auto industry’s new-model cycle. Beware that new-car smell luring you into “premature purchase”. Most cars should last at least eight to ten years before very costly repairs are necessary.”
That said, eventually the old beast runs out of gas and you need to invest in a new one. We offer guidance and smart resources for a gal looking for a car. We think buying used is one of the smartest ways to save since depreciation on a new vehicle is shockingly high, shockingly fast — 45% in the first 3 years of ownership. Just make sure you do your homework: buy from a dependable source and have it checked out by a hot mechanic with good hands. (Ok, you just need a good mechanic.)
How you finance your car purchase, whether it’s new or used, is important. We advocate for careful saving in advance to avoid leasing and loans, but we know that’s not always possible. So, before you go shopping for your car, head over to your own bank or credit union so you can go in armed to purchase with your own financing in place. While there are loads of upright dealer citizens, we know of too many stories where unscrupulous dealers play games with contracts and make excess profit off financing plans.
For more on all things that roll–including the ultimate in ‘to die for’ shopping trolleys–check out Bitches on a Budget!
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Stewed Blueberries
July 14th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargains, blueberries, budget, Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, Shopping, simple pleasures
Blueberries are the best.
At this time of the summer blueberries are readily available and attractively priced. So attractively priced, in fact, that we often end buying more than we can bake, conserve, and munch in a timely manner. Our solution? We throw them in a pot with whatever leftover fruit we have around and make a quick simple stew. It’s great by itself or spooned over ice cream, yogurt, pancakes, waffles. And, for one of our favorite simple pleasures, try a huge serving of warm blueberry stew over slices of fresh cinnamon bubka or bread.
Blueberry Stew
1 pint blueberries
2-3 nectarines and/or peaches
3-4 tblsp brown sugar (or to taste)
a squeeze of lemon juice
Wash and put the berries in a pot. Slice up the peaches/nectarines into chunks (no need to peel) and add to pot with sugar. Turn heat to medium/low and cook until the berries and fruit soften.
Chill Out at the Museum
July 13th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: art, bargains, cool, museums, Shopping, Travel & Entertainment
 Butterflies and Plants: Partners in Evolution 2008 Smithsonian Institution It’s been unrelentingly hot where we live. Too hot to walk. Too hot to bike. Too hot to…ok, we won’t go there. So, we’re on the hunt for other stimulating, but cool, activities.
Inside a mall is refrigerated and deadening. You’ve already seen the one great summer blockbuster worth watching. Another trip to the supermarket? Uh. We don’t think so. When was the last time you went to a museum? Trust us, nothing is cooler than the thrill of a curated collection.
From Bitches on a Budget:
Admit It
You mean to go to the museum. You read about the blockbuster Tintoretto or Chuck Close show that’s coming soon and make a mental note to get your a** over there. But what happens? It’s raining and surely the museum will be crowded, it’ll be hard to park, you don’t want to get wet. Or it’s gorgeous outside; why go to the musuem when you can ride your bike or play Frisbee? But then the day slides by with no Frisbee, and you become increasingly bored and desperate. You end up arranging to meet a friend for lunch and a quick shop.
But the restaurant’s crowded and mediocre. You spend good money for that extra pound you didn’t need and see through blouse you really didn’t like. Your ‘friend’ fills you in on your ex-boyfriend , how he’s found eternal happiness in the arms of some bimbo. You feel overweight, broke, rejected. And you could have gone to the museum. What were you thinking?
Chill out at your local museum.
Heel Power. Men Lust after Women, Women Lust after Shoes.
July 7th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin, sex, shoes, Shopping
We’ve been thinking about shoes and why we love them. Why is it we have so many pairs and they are all so different? (One might argue that the twelve pair of basic black heels in our closet are all the same, but they’d be missing their complex nuances: the slightly different heel heights, subtly different toecaps, variations in leather grain.) Do men have shoe envy? No. They lust after us (that’s why Tiger, Letterman, Spitzer, etc. got into trouble)… and cars and weapons.
Anyway, recently we were window-shopping on our way to the taping of the Colbert Report (not us; our brother-in-law, the AK 47 history-genius, shared with the country that the Kalashnikov is more reliable than Microsoft Windows, like, duh). Although we were running late, the complex architectural build up of the latest platform shoes caught our eye and we spent considerable time calculating where our center of gravity would reside. Would we topple over in them? Surely we’d be hobbled like an ancient bound-foot Chinese woman. We passed by.
We didn’t get but two blocks before we were stopped dead in our tracks by the most stunning, most simple, most elegant over-the-knee black boot. These were perfect. Tall, lean, aristocratic. At once soft, supple, hard, and stately. Best of all, this boot had a long zipper up the back. It was the sexiest article of clothing we had ever seen. Ever. We wanted to stop and make it ours. Yes, we may be Bitches on a Budget, but this fell into our splurge-worthy category if any item in the history of time ever did. But we knew the guys at the TV studio wouldn’t let us in if we were tardy, and — never mind missing our brother-in-law or Colbert — we wouldn’t get to meet Elvis Costello and his glasses (which are now #2 on our must have list). So we marched on.
We left town the next day and had no time to run back to the shop. Now we have the worst case of unrequited lust in our hearts for that perfect boot. Which we had almost gotten over until we read that Michelle Obama just ordered a pair of Robert Clergerie from Paris. Now we have double-lusting-envy (an awful disease) — our all time favorite shoemaker making Mrs. O a custom pair of thigh-high boots. Drool.
It’s left us wondering: what is it about shoes? Do they mirror our innermost fantasies? Are they ready-made embodiments of our various identities? Work boots, hikers, peep-toes, ballet shoes, stilettos, oxfords, flats, Keds. Perhaps they’re each simply a reflection of the complexity of every modern woman — wife, mother, sister, daughter, party-girl, lover, worker, power broker, on and on. No other accessory can so entirely embody and transform our self-conception.
Well, for now we’ll keep on coveting Michelle Obama’s new boots (they fall into our super-splurge category). And we’ll start our search for those gorgeous babies glimpsed so fleetingly in that Manhattan window (they should be on sale by now). If ever any shoe was the embodiment of all our feminine contradictions this tall strider was it, and now we’re on the hunt.
Whose shoes do you choose?
This is an abridged version of a story we originally wrote for the Huffington Post.
Searching for Interior Space Ideas? Free Peeking
June 22nd, 2010 | 1 Comment
Tags: Decorating, home design, interior, Shopping, women's
What woman in her heart of hearts isn’t a secret voyeur?
It’s nighttime. You’re strolling down the street, past rows of homes, curtained window after window. Tell us, are you not drawn to the one room not entirely hidden from sight? To that one apartment where the curtains aren’t sealed, where a stream of light leaks out, revealing a fractured glimpse of the home within? Do you not slow your pace, crane your neck, try oh-so-casually to catch a glimpse of the life beyond the window? Don’t you pause, half-hidden by the shrubbery, to sneak a look at the art on the walls, the rumpled sofa… and, oh, is that Marimekko fabric on the side chair? What paint color is that amazing accent wall? And what on earth is that odd assemblage on top on the bookshelf? A collection of birds’ nests? Or just crumpled tissues?
People are fascinating. Their stuff is too. Other people’s collections and clutter and curiosities excite us. We love how a home reflects the spirit and soul of its inhabits— whether the inhabitants are aware of it or not.
Nope, we won’t lie: we love to spy.
But how? The homes in glossy magazines—so overstyled and trim and tidy—they don’t cut it. Fun, but they don’t send shivers. Too self-conscious. Design porn isn’t the real thing.
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Stop Shopping, Try Swapping
June 19th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: budget, green, Shopping, simple pleasures
Sentimental B’s have cornucopias of junk. Plastic containers, bags, shoe boxes all overloaded with gadgets and gizmos of all shape and size. Belts, watches, candle holders, mirrors, bracelets, keychains, wing-dings, do-hickies, whatchamacallits.  And yet everyone invests in these same objects again and again. All the B’s on your street are buying the same stuff. Why not organize a swap? An overbought, underused objects of desire library?
The allure of a new treasure vanishes after a little while… give it a couple weeks, a month, and the glow of the buying rush fades; soon that cherished chia pet is growing dreadlocks in a corner. Share him! Make some other B’s day.
Invite trustworthy friends to join. Label objects. Rotate in and out monthly.
Swapping: It’s green, thrifty, and keeps life fresh.
Five Stylish Father’s Day Gift Ideas from The Best Dressed Man in America
June 15th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Father's Day 2010 Gifts, Shopping
At Bitches on a Budget we’re invested in finding the best in glam style for every pocketbook. This Father’s Day we’ve teamed up with Dan Trepanier, The Styleblogger and Esquire’s Best Dressed Real Man in America, to come up with five smart and stylish gift ideas to suit every budget.
1. Lightweight cotton/cashmere cardigan from J. Crew. This isn’t Mr. Rogers’ sweater; it’s a modern, sleeker version. Any man, whether he loves or hates fashion, will look great in this sweater and find it easy to pair with other items in his wardrobe. It’s practical and fashionable. Get one in a neutral color like navy or grey and you will see dad wearing it over and over again, whether its over a t-shirt for those chilly summer nights or layered with a washed shirt and blazer for the fall. Worth the splurge. (jcrew.com $149-$218)
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