Shopping
Conceal Your Assets (Anniversary Edition)
November 18th, 2010 | 5 Comments
Tags: Fashion, Shopping, style
Ladies, we’ve got to look out for one another, right? That means telling it like it is. No bullshit. No beating around the bush, so to speak.
As we like to say, being a “bitch” means being savvy. Smart. In control. It’s a way of living—NOT a way of treating others. You can be a bitch without being bitchy.
So in the spirit of helpfulness, we’re laying down the law.
STOP WEARING TIGHTS AS PANTS. THEY DO NOT—WE REPEAT, DO NOT—LOOK GOOD. (YES, THIS MEANS YOU TOO, MISS CARROT-STICK-FOR-BREAKFAST.) IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE. NO MORE. NOT EVEN WITH A WHAT YOU THINK IS A LONG ENOUGH TOP. NOT EVEN WITH CUTE BOOTS. NOT EVEN IF YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO BALLET OR YOGA CLASS OR HAVE A LADY GAGA FIXATION.
We apologize. Those bold caps might have seemed a little, er, bitchy.
Remember a while back we told you about the fashion dominatrix who should be sitting on your shoulder, punishing you with a whap! when you fall victim to heinous trends?
If you’ve been wearing tights as pants, here’s what you get:
whap! whap! whap!
Pure sartorial disaster. Totally unsexy. Utterly devoid of the power to titillate.
Happily, others now share our outrage. Read the manifesto by the tights-are-not-pants people. Download their press kit and start spreading the word!
Years ago we had a friend who wore tights as bottoms, but back then we never had the courage to tell her she looked silly. No more. We’re turning over a new leaf. We’re making a vow to be honest—to look out for other bitches. Because we care about you. We do! We want to see you happy. We want to see you confident. We want to see you wearing gorgeous clothes.
Dear lord, we just want to stop seeing your ass(et).
Sweet Potatoes or Yams for Thanksgiving?
November 17th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Food & Spirits, Health & Fitness, Shopping
 Have you ever cruised the supermarket and wondered about the difference between a jelly and a jam, a cornish game hen and a chicken, a sweet potato and a yam? We have.
Have we ever thought about it beyond more than the passing turn of the cart down the aisle? No. Not really.
Recently, the writing up of our baked sweet potato fry recipe inspired us to do a little research into solving the yam and sweet potato mystery. Since Thanksgiving is next week we think it’s timely to share our findings.
According to the Library of Congress, yams and sweet potatoes are from different families of plants:
Although yams and sweet potatoes are both angiosperms (flowering plants), they are not related botanically. Yams are a monocot (a plant having one embryonic seed leaf) and from the Dioscoreaceae or Yam family. Sweet Potatoes, often called ‘yams’, are a dicot (a plant having two embryonic seed leaves) and are from the Convolvulacea or morning glory family.
Due to very confusing USDA labeling regulations (the history of which is convoluted and boring), almost all potatoes labeled as yams are in fact sweet potatoes. ”Real” yams are drier and starchier than the sweet potatoes we buy labeled as yams (we told you it was confusing).
So, as you’re shopping this Thanksgiving and are wondering which to buy– yam or sweet potato– know that all those boxes stacked high and labeled as yams, garnet yams, sweet potatoes, white sweet potatoes, etc. are really all the same. They are sweet potatoes– just different varieties.
This begs the question: which sweet potato to buy?
The Texas Cooperative Extension Aggie Horticulture Network, advises buying sweet potatoes with a deep color for the best food value. (And, don’t forget, sweet potatoes are near the top of the good-for-you-food-hiearchy-of-foods.) For best food flavor they advise storing them in an environment between 55-60 degrees–not the refrigerator.
How to Be a Bitch on a Budget
November 15th, 2010 | 1 Comment
Tags: Shopping
BITCHES ON A BUDGET: SAGE ADVICE FOR SURVIVING TOUGH TIMES IN STYLE is sure to make the perfect holiday or house gift for that friend, sister, mom, or work colleague this season.
Already 82,000 (and growing by the moment) smart women from around the world have joined our party. We’ve heard from so many of you about how you’re finding the the book a useful guide to living a fulfilled, glamorous, and STYLISH life, even when your bank account is dwindling. We’ve heard from so many of you who loved reading The Bitches for sheer amusement! ( It is funny, if we do say so ourselves.) (more…)
Make Holiday Shopping Fun: Etsy Love
November 7th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargain, Christmas, Etsy, Holiday Shopping, Shopping
 Do you dread holiday shopping? Does the thought of it conjure up sweaty crowds, feelings of confusion, a headache? It does for us. But, we’ve decided that it doesn’t need to be that way. All that’s required is a little planning and knowing where to go to find fun things.
Let’s just begin by saying that we know a copy of Bitches on a Budget is a given on your list for all your friends and family. Once you’ve checked that off, we’re here to help guide you to just the right places to find fabulous gifts.
We wrote about Etsy in our book and have heard back that many of you are now using the site to buy and sell fantastic handmade and vintage things. We love the original craftsmanship of some of the items and the recycled nature of other products.
Our only complaint has been that it has been hard to squirrel through all the offerings. Yesterday, we were back on the site browsing and it’s a much easier place to shop. Still it can be a bit overwhelming. So, we’ve decided to scout Etsy shops for you and from time to time report back our findings.
Etco is our first recommendation. Their reasonably priced and sophisticated paper bowls and jewelry are well worth a look. We’ve been in the market for a skull necklace forever and have found either cheesy ones for a few dollars or fabulous ones for hundreds. Yesterday, we felt like Goldilocks when we found just the right one for twenty bucks.
(Oops! Don’t tell anyone it’s a present.)
Entertaining and informative, Bitches on a Budget is the perfect holiday present for every woman. An NAL/Penguin release available at all major bookstores and Amazon.
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Gender Gap in Gizmo Wear
November 5th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Personal digital assistant, Shopping, Smartphone, Travel & Entertainment
We have a complaint.
Truth be told we have lots of complaints, but we’re on a bitching diet and are limiting ourselves to one really good bitch a day.
We’ll keep this one short and sweet.
There is a gender gap in gizmo gear and we’re sick of it.
Have you noticed how many gizmos, gadgets and whatnots (formerly known as phones) are conveniently made for pockets and belts.
We are not men.
We do not wear pants everyday.
When we wear pants we don’t necessarily wear a belt.
When we wear a belt, it is unseemly and uncomfortable to have a gizmo holder hanging off it. Men may be accustomed to appendages hanging below their waist. Us ladies, uh, not so much.
We do not typically wear button down shirts with pockets on the chest.
When we do wear them, we do not want lopsided chest enhancements- particularly ones that have not been provided by our friendly local plastic surgeon.
Think about it where are we to reliably pocket our PDAs?
A handbag you suggest. Tell us, wouldn’t you say putting our cells into a bag puts us at tremendous disadvantage? It isn’t fair that only men can use vibrators in inappropriate places. (Cell phone inappropriate places, we mean).
Men get to casually walk out of the house with all their what-nots attached to their bodies in the same usual and easy to reach spots each day.
Us ladies grab for our phones and throw them into the pocket of a dress, the back pocket of a pair of jeans, our handbag and rush off for the day. A single ring sends us into personal pat down mode or turns us into frantic dumpster divas.
We’re calling for gender equal gizmo placement. With all the talk of ‘smart phones’ isn’t it time for the technology world to partner with the fashion world to design, build and market gender-equal accessible phones and garb.
That is our bitch of the day.
Can we get an amen.
We originally published this in The Huffington Post:
Elections Count in our Budget: Vote Like It’s Brain Surgery
October 29th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Health & Fitness, Shopping
Imagine you had a brain tumor and had to choose a surgeon. What would be your criteria?
Charm?
A fun personality?
A preference for vodka over whiskey?
How about a regular guy/gal who, despite designer clothing and great hair, is unthreatening?
Someone with little experience, say a single operation under their belt in a remote hospital?
Someone un-elitist enough to graduate at the bottom of their class from Med school?
(more…)
Black Friday isn’t just for Friday anymore…
October 28th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: Black Friday, budget, Retailing, Shopping, Target Corporation, Walmart
Black Friday, the day that retailers traditionally offer ridiculously low prices and open their stores at ridiculously early times while attracting ridiculously crazed customers isn’t just for the day after Thanksgiving anymore.
Frighteningly, it’s starting this Halloween weekend. The lure of all these goodies is going to go on for a long, long time this Christmas season so your job is to plan carefully.
Sears is running a big sale and Toys ‘R Us is putting all of the items in it’s Christmas Toy catalog on sale on October 31. Target is gearing up to drop a circular with 176 gift items with deeper than normal discounts the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Walmart online will be offering very low prices beginning in November… the list goes on.
The rationale behind time and supply limited deep discounted items is to snatch your shopping dollar before another retailer can pick your pocket. Once they get you inside, they tempt you with a big loss leader, something they may very well be making no money on (unless they’ve cut a great deal with a supplier), and grab your limited disposable dollars before you make off with another guy.
Hey, we’re not condemning them for that– every one needs to make a buck. You just need to be a withholding little B (with your purse, ladies, your purse) and not wantonly give it away to any Kohl’s, Walmart or Macy.
What should you do with all this frantic and early promotion? By all means, if there is a brand new television that was on your list and you see it at a great price–snap it up. But, don’t add a new toaster, iTouch and Taylor Swift CD while you’re cruising through Best Buy just because they’re 20% off, too.
We’re curious: what % off an item is motivational enough for you to make a purchase?
Real Women Fake It
October 16th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargains, savings, Shopping
Smart women have been faking it forever.
But it’s the really talented ones who pull it off without anyone ever guessing.
Special events like a wedding, a charity ball, a State dinner (by the way, we’re still smarting over being left off the list) come around and normally sane women go crazy buying new expensive clothing and accessories.
It makes us want to get on a chair with a megaphone and scream:
“Those of you on the charity or State dinner circuit, stand up and identify yourselves, please. We all know you can’t wear the same dress over and over again. And, for the rest of you, it’s called a special occasion for a reason–it only happens occasionally. Why blow the wad on what is likely to be a one-night stand? Worse, what if you blow the wad and then get a stain?”
Fashion Week (is anyone else wondering why this isn’t it plural?) taking place seemingly everywhere has shown us once again that what’s new is really old. Just as there is no single ‘right’ beauty or body aesthetic, there is no single dominating design aesthetic. Remember, great taste need not be expensive. Think about it, Lanvin is the latest iconic house designing for H&M.
Since every savvy gal on a budget must amortize her costs, we stick by a steadfast rule of putting money into ‘keeper’ pieces that get frequent wear. Besides, since we are contrary by nature, the fancier the event, the bigger the thrill of a bargain ‘fraud’.
A modern woman takes matters into her own hands.
Haunt consignment stores, eBay and friend’s closets for dresses. Haul out ancient, but faithful, investment grade all-purpose black dresses, and tart them up with the latest passing fads like studded pumps, monster pearls twined with motorcycle chains and bows, sequined leopard bags. Cruise TJ’s, Target, the street guy at 72nd and Broadway for accessories. The bolder the better.
We covet our little secret bargain buys: A favorite evening jacket -purchased a decade ago on the streets in Shanghai for $7 bucks. Our most admired earrings- big, faux and flea market. Best of all, a pair of comfy killer stilettos- priceless, but bought on sale at Nine West.
The true climax of every good fake.
Trust us, there is nothing more thrilling than giving the real swells a big phony smile when they stop and admire your precious pretenders.
Looking for more smart ways to live well no matter what the state of your budget? The Star Ledger of New Jersey wrote the book Bitches on a Budget is filled with ”tips, guidance and ploys for you to maintain, or attain, the glam of a glossy fashion mag. Clothes, home furnishing, vacationing, dining and, yes, plastic surgery, this book covers it all.…this book has more ideas than Bergdorf’s has snobs. Buy it!”
Buyer Beware: Phony Pricing Comparatives
October 15th, 2010 | Comments
Tags: bargain, Gilt Groupe, savvy shopper, Shopping
In our book (arms crossed, toe tapping–have you read it yet?), we write about the attractive and addictive nature of ‘flash sale’ web retailers like Rue La La and Gilt Groupe. We offer the cautions: buy only a product you’ve seen and loved, and buy only a product you know the retail price so that you are certain that it is a bargain.
Do we always take our own sage advice? No.
We’re really, really busy working on our new book and exhibiting tremendous self-discipline not getting sucked into the daily shopaholic offerings, but someone ruined our resolve today (we won’t name names) asking for our take on an item they were thinking about purchasing from Gilt Groupe. (more…)
The Poodle Puddle Solution: Mr. Noodles Super Cleaner
October 13th, 2010 | 2 Comments
Tags: budget, cleaning tips, Shopping
 We spend a lot of time raving about world peace, conflict resolution, conservation and the environment. Today we’ll share our best solutions—cleaning solutions. Remember we told you it’s all about the highs and lows, the yin and the yang, the heady conversation and the real dirty work.
Trust us of all our fantasies about what we wanted to grow up to be, a modern day Heloise was not among them. But, we’re always looking for ways to save a penny here and a penny there so we can go out and splurge on the really good stuff.
We were gifted this formula by a really nice professional carpet cleaner one day after he had been over once too often to clean up after the supersized poodle, Mr. Noodle. Instead of that $99 dollar carpet cleaner’s visit, this solution, dubbed “Mr. Noodle’s Super Cleaner”, costs just pennies and is (almost always) just as effective. A big fat disclaimer, test this on a corner of the carpet to make sure it doesn’t wreck the fabric or turn it to some odd neon green color.
First remove whatever the mess is you are trying to clean. Vacuum the area. Fill a jar with 2 parts water, 2 parts white vinegar, 1 part alcohol and 1-2 tablespoons Woolite. Shake vigorously.
Once the area is cleaned, soak the stain with “Mr. Noodles” formula. Use a clean white towel, apply pressure and blot up the liquid. Repeat this until you see most of the discoloration come up. (You may need several towels and lots of pressure. ) Then cover the stain with a thick wad of paper towels and place a stack of very heavy books on top. Check back the next day.
Let us know how it works for you and send us any other clever (or not so clever) household tips you’ld like to share.
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